It seems to me, that people need to DEFINE what love means, before they think they found it, go looking for it, or think they want or need it. It case you haven’t noticed, a lot of people are divorced, unhappy, miserable or, stab, stab, ready to kill someone one they once thought they loved.
I think part of the problem is that people have different definitions for what love means. Seriously, how many people actually sit down and say, “Now that we think we’re in love, what exactly, does love mean to you? What is YOUR definition of love?”
Who does that? Probably very few since, more than likely, they both think they know what love means, and they mistakenly believe that love means the same thing to the other person…when it does not. Hence, the OH MY GODDESS, WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO, feelings, once they find out that love never meant the same thing to both of them.
Love, or lust, sometimes precludes an intelligent look at what’s taking place. People tend to OVERLOOK things that are, in reality, RED FLAGS. “I’ll never want to change anything about you,” suddenly becomes, “I can’t STAND IT when you do that, so STOP DOING IT!” “I didn’t realize that you thought having fun was sitting on the couch playing video games with your friends every night.” “Whose underwear is this?”
Love blindness is well documented.
This isn’t only about couples. It’s for those who can’t stop wishing that their parent’s loved them the way they think they wanted to be loved. They feel as if they missed something and fret about it for their entire lives. What does parental love feel like? Who knows? Not everyone even needs, or wants it. Why do people think their lives would have been different if the fantasy they hold on to, had been a reality?
These are important things to think about. I know ancient people who are still wishing for this or that, from their long deceased mother or father. WHAT? Parents are just PEOPLE, doing the best they can and they’re as crazy as everyone else. I think a lot of people forget that. How can these unhappy adult children KNOW what their lives would have been like if their fantasy had been a reality? They can’t. It might have been horrific, but they never seem to think about that part.
I think we need to teach people to be whole, ALL BY THEM SELVES. To not NEED all that attention and love from others, but to be happy by themselves and if love comes along, well fine. All this longing and yearning for ????? That’s a lot to live up to and the truth is, people are sold a bill of goods, as they say. Marriage isn’t what the magazines and movies tell everyone it is. At least not for a lot of people.
It seems as if we should all be okay with who we are and not NEED others, but welcome them into our lives when/if they come along. All the desperation around finding someone, creates a lot of mistakes and unhappy situations, for many people. I don’t think “desperation,” is too strong a word. I’ve seen people get married, so when they get divorced they can say they had been married and had the experience. Seriously. That’s true. It’s like just do it, and get it out of the way.
It seems as if talking about what love means, could be enlightening and stop problems before they start. Maybe not. But when I ask people what the word love means to them, most have never even thought about it before. They don’t know what it means to them and they just look at me in confusion.
I think maybe we should teach kids to think about love from an early age. Ask them. Their answers will be sweet, adorable, cute and honest. Their answers will change as they grow up, but it will get them thinking about it and that seems like a good thing. How does loving your pet make you feel…at any age. Is that what you’re looking for? Unconditional love, warmth and trust? What ARE you looking for?
The word Love is plastered all over signs, blogs, shirts, walls and yet no one thinks about what it MEANS.
Don’t make excuses for bad or hurtful behavior. Ever. Don’t let people lie to you. Don’t pretend and look the other way. Ever. Not if you want to be happy. Not unless love means something different to you than it does to me.
Just stuff I was thinking about this morning.