Art and the philosophy of life

Posts tagged ‘humor’

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This is from my friend Candy…LOLOLOL

Something silly to start your weekend…

black and white dog with disguise eyeglasses

Photo:  Braydon Anderson
Unsplash

Some silly things from a friend of mine…

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go the grocery store.  They lied – everybody else had clothes on!

The truth is, it is not so boring at home.  But it is interesting how one bag of rice has 7,456 grains and another bag – 7,489.

I still cannot believe people’s survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.

Homeschool Day 1:  Wondering how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business.  We are having a fire drill.

I know you are bored……but do not cut your own bangs.

Gas is finally affordable, and we can’t freakin go anywhere!

Well, I finally lost it.  Was just in CVS and saw a man whose cart was full to the brim with hand sanitizers, baby wipes, soaps, everything that people need!  I called him selfish and gave him the lowdown about the elderly, moms and people who need these types of things.  Told him he should be ashamed of himself!  He said – “are you done – because I really need to get back to stocking the shelves now.”

My friend Jeanne sent these to me and they are spot on…

2019: Stay away from negative people.

2020: Stay away from positive people.

 

 

The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

 

You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers…

 

This virus has done what no woman has been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

 

Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

 

Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

 

Day 14 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

 

Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

 

I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

Tomorrow is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You’re welcome! 

 

Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?

Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.

 

Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions. 

 

I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”

 

Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.

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From: Candy…

Two funny things to cheer you…

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From: Candy…

The mother no one wants to have…ever…a very short story

Emperor Penguin, Penguin, Young Penguin

Mom:  Who’s the cutest baby penguin in the whole world?

Baby:  OMG This is so humiliating.  There are hundreds of us, right here, and we all look exactly alike!

Mom:  No one is as cute my baby penguin.

Baby:  I’m going to jump into the ocean and hope there’s a shark waiting for me.

Mom:  Don’t even think about going near the ocean.  There might be a shark in the water.

Baby:  OMG she can read my mind.

 

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From: Candy

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From: Candy

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