Each of us reacts to everything in our lives with our innate personality and the emotions that come along with that. We are who we are. We come into this world already locked and loaded with a personality. Remember startled baby, happy baby, etc. We all know people who cry at the drop of a hat and people who don’t cry at all. Often time we are confused by the reactions of others, since they are so different than out own. I remember my daughter telling me that she went to a movie with her friend and her friend started crying. My daughter turned to her and said, “I don’t know why you’re crying but I’m never going to the movies with you again. She still brings that up, every now and then, because it was so strange to her and it happened years and years ago.”
Naturally, experience and environment play a part in our development but kids react according to their inner being. At least that’s the way I see it. That’s sometimes why people seem unpredictable or surprising. Where we get angry and take action, another person falls apart and doesn’t do anything at all.
Trying to change people is going against type. There are times when people seem to act inappropriately. There are those who have cried, or hidden, been fearful their entire lives and there are those who face things head on and act whether they are afraid or not. This is not necessarily about introverts or extroverts, but I’m sure those traits are part of us as well.
Just ask yourself if anyone could get you to be different than you are. Did anyone ever try to change how you were, how you acted, or reacted. Did parent’s teachers, anyone, try to change you? If so, how did that work out? Of course, there are always those who will defer to others. Those who will give up their ives to make others happy. But there are also those who would never think of doing that. There are also those who would never ask that anyone give up their own choices and lives for them. All innate.
We are who we are. It’s difficult to bury who we are, when asked, or forced. Doing so can lead to all kinds of unhealthy and unpleasant things. I’m not talking about horrific behavior, I’m just writing about normal behavior and reactions to life in general.
It’s easy to see that this is true. We can’t change our kids, anymore than our parents could change us. We aren’t supposed to change, we are supposed to work with what we came her with, from the start. That’s why we have those things inside of us.
Some people call those things buttons. If you know someone well, you know how they’ll react, because their reactions, like our own, are always, or mostly the same. If my cousin gets something sentimental, she’ll cry. And she will cry every single time. If I get the same thing, I just wonder what to do with it, or I think it’s nice and then I wonder what to do with it. I react that way every single time. If my daughter gets something like that, she’ll wonder when she can drop it off at Good Will. Every single time. My daughter and I will force bus, or any other drivers, including our selves, to stop in the middle of the street/highway to save a duck or frog or anything else. We will make a huge scene, when forced, because we HAVE TO SAVE WHATEVER IT IS. Every single time. Did I teach her that? Yes, but it’s part of her and that’s why she does it. I tried to teach her other things and they didn’t take. That’s the whole point. You know what the people around you will do because the pretty much always react the same way, because they were born with those reactions deep inside of them.
Abuse can alter a person’s behavior. Abuse can do a lot of things. Stress, seeing no way out, being trapped, all has to do with being unable to be who you are. That’s the biggest thing there is. BEING WHO YOU ARE. People will even commit suicide, if they can’t see a way to ever be who they are. That’s what our soldiers do, ALL THE TIME, because they are forced to do things that are not natural, or part of who they are. Death is often a choice some people make, when they can’t be themselves, for whatever reason. For many others they simply live lives of misery and depression. That’s why forcing people to go against type is cruel and destructive. No one knows what’s best for another person. NO ONE.
I don’t understand why my cousin cries. She can’t possibly understand me, since she doesn’t fight for a single thing and I never stop fighting. We are very different. But we love each other and have fun together. She’s quiet and I’m not. Changing places would kill both of us in a couple of hours.
So, when you look at those around you, especially your children, take into consideration that we can’t possibly understand anyone, anymore than anyone can understand us. And remember that the people who want YOU to change, never want to change themselves. Don’t do that to someone else. If you don’t like the way someone is, YOU change to fit into their life. Not as easy as you think, but give it a shot, or be quiet. Picture everyone as a wee newborn, already programed to be who s/he is. Then leave them alone. I might drive you crazy but they have the right to become themselves.
We can offer advice, we can talk with people but ultimately, we each own our own lives. You can do that too, no matter how old you are. Don’t die, pretending.
Hey, I’m just sayin’/