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“I heard you tried to talk to Dee and Dum. I laughed so hard, I nearly fell out of my tree. How clueless are you? I was at yesterday’s tea party, so I know everyone you have spoken to, so far. Since I can become invisible, you can be sure I know more than most who live in Wonderland. I mean I’ve heard things, lots of things. I’m not that well liked, you know. People don’t want me listening in on their private conversations. It freaks them out. Makes them afraid to talk in the open, like government snoops who spy on their citizens. I don’t really care what anyone has to say, it’s just fun to pop in and out. The Queen thought she could keep me out of the castle. She put guards everywhere, even had some of the meeting rooms soundproofed and made the walls three feet thick. Nothing can stop me, but I didn’t tell her that. Instead, I watched the construction from the windowsill and had a bowl of milk in the palace kitchen.
The Queen wasn’t a bad sort, in fact, she tried to change but you can’t change the written word, so she was stuck being a mass murderer. ‘Off with their heads,’ became her catch phrase. She cried over that. She cried a lot. She was lonely and she didn’t want to decapitate people, so she stayed in her room as much as she could. The only thing she enjoyed were her garden games but once Alice came, well, you know how that ended. The Queen truly liked her flamingoes, but she had to stay true to her character, there was nothing she could do. She actually started a flamingo sanctuary. She sent all the baby flamingoes there to live in peace, away from Carroll’s writing. She did a lot of things when no one was reading her lines. Good things. I’m kind of sorry I scared her so often. She loved animals and always had cookies for me when I went to visit. Looks can be deceiving. She wasn’t what Carroll said she was. She even let me sleep at the bottom of her bed when I had a cold. She covered me with a blanket and sang to me. Still, she knew she couldn’t trust me. I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours. We aren’t all written the same way you know.
I can understand why the flamingoes were angry, once they found out they were being abused, but what they did was wrong. They could have just left. In a way I think she’s glad she’s gone. She had to pretend to be a mean, out of control, heart crazed monster, when, in fact, she was just a regular person who liked to drink tea, while she read her books. I mean you don’t have to feel sorry for her, you didn’t even know her. It’s just that a lot of us aren’t what you think we are. You need to use your imagination because imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality. Just because a character is written a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s the way the character is once the book is closed. The dormouse doesn’t live in the teapot and the Hatter isn’t as mad as people think he is. The White Rabbit lives above ground, most of the timed, and eats carrots and steals food from the local farmers. He’s also been known to be late, every now and then. And the Queen, well, she loved hearts because she hated to stop them from beating. She was angry with Carroll for giving her that dreadful line and she never felt like the person he made her into. So, that’s about it. I’m going to disappear now, because you’ve made me sad. I don’t like to be sad. I do things, when I’m sad. Things that aren’t always nice. So the interview is over and I hope you find your way home.”