The Conversation…

“Geez, slow down, will you,” he said.

“I’m not moving.  I’m just sitting here, waiting for you to start eating.”

“Your molecules are doing the cha cha.  What’s with you?”

‘I’m fine,” she sighed.

“You don’t look fine.  You’re aura looks as if it’s been in one of those mixer things.”

“You can see auras?”

“Cats can see everything.  How can you still be surprised by what we can do?”

“I have no idea.  Really, I don’t,” she sighed, looking at her shoes.

“You may have some latent cat talents, but will you get your DNA tested for cat?  Noooo, you won’t.”

“I seriously doubt that I have any cat DNA in me.”

“But you can’t be sure, can you,” he said.

“I’m  no talking about this.”

“Your loss.”

“Spring will be here soon.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” he snickered, licking the last of the food off his plate.

“It’s the middle of March.”

“And?”

“Okay, so maybe not that soon.”

“Say something interesting or important.  I’m bored,” he said, rolling onto his side.

“Uh.”

“That’s it?  Uh?”

“Do you believe in free will?” she asked.

“Of course not.  Unless you mean when it comes to the unimportant things, like whether I want to eat a mouse or a chipmunk.”

“Really bad example,” she said, making a disgusting face, trying not to gag.

“Why?  Do you believe in it?  I mean if you don’t, what are you left with?  Predestination?”

“I don’t believe in free will here or when we’re dead,” she said.  “I mean yes, I can choose an apple or pear, or possibly take both of them, but no, we really don’t have it.  It just seems like it.  The thing is, free will only works within very tight perimeters. I mean, there are so many rules to everything that any choices one would make are out of the person’s hands.  You can only choose what others tell you you can have, what’s available.  So there’s no true free will, it’s just another lie, to make people believe they have some control over their lives, when they have very little.  People are simply manipulated into believing that…”

“See, you can come up with something interesting.  Still boring, however, but at least you tried.”

“Fine,” she said.  “You come up with something.”

“Do you believe that cats will someday rule the world?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said.  “Is that it?”

“When exactly, do you think that will happen?”

“Not for a long time.”

“How long?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll be the leader,” he said.

“Or maybe one of your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grand kittens will be.”

“So no time soon, then?”

“No.  No time soon.”

“What do you think about starting a tv show, or a podcast?”

“You want to be in a tv show?”

“I want to BE the tv show.  I’d be fantastic.”

“No one would be able to understand you.  No one really understands cat.”

“Dubbing.  If a big bird can make it in show business, why can’t I?  You should get an agent for me.”

“I’m going home,” she said, standing up.

“Will you think about it?”

“Sure,” she said.  “Tell Jinx, his food’s over there.”

“He knows that and he’s single again.”

“I guess he’s a lover, not someone looking for commitment.”

“Pretty much sums it up.”

“I love you,” she said, hugging him.

“I know.”

She kissed him, again and again, until he pushed her away.

“See you tonight?” she asked.

“Jinx and I will stop by.”

She smiled at him and headed home.  He curled up and closed his eyes, content, and ready to dream.

 

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

“Why do you always look tired?  Cats never look tired,” he said.

“How can you tell when a cat’s tired?  Cats are always asleep.”

“Good point.  But still,” he yawned, rolling over.  “Don’t you ever go to bed?”

“Let’s talk about something else,” she sighed, putting his food in front of him.

“I mean there are at least ten cats on your bed every night, surely their purring can help put you to sleep.”

“It’s more about them sleep on me, or pushing me, or purring on my head.”

“I don’t get it.” he said.

“I didn’t think you would.”

“The vet stopped by.  She said she would fix the females so they wouldn’t have kittens, if that’s what they wanted.  I told her they weren’t broken and who would deprive the world of any cats that could possibly be born?  She didn’t seem to understand.”

“Life is hard on the street.  You know that.”

“I do.”

“She was saying that she could make it so the females didn’t have any kittens, so they wouldn’t be forced to be sick or hurt and die at an early age.”

“You make things sound terrible.”

“They are, for a lot of cats.”

“I’ll talk to them,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Your species makes life hard for everyone and everything.  You’re the ones who need to be fixed.”

“You’re right.”

“I know.”

“I’m thinking of taking up painting.  I saw a program where a pig and a monkey were making a lot of money, painting on canvas.  So, I thought…how hard can it be, right?  You can pick up the supplies and I can walk across the canvas, use a brush, here and there, and then you can sell my work and use the money to buy more stuff for us.”

She stared at him.  “That’s a great idea.”

“It is?”

“Yes.  It is.  I’ll get what you need on the way home.”

“Then I can begin tomorrow.  That’s good because I heard someone say that another country may try to invade us and that would definitely interfere with my art career.”

“I don’t think anyone is going to invade us, especially if they ever saw a really pissed off American.”

“If you say so,” he said.  “I know you always win in the movies.  Even when there are aliens involved.”

“That’s true.”

“But movies are pretend, aren’t they?”

“We still win.”

“Perhaps that’s a false sense of accomplishment.”

“It’s not.  We have all the guns.”

“That’s true. Plus you’re a melting pot so you can feed anyone from anywhere, since everyone from everywhere is already here.”

“I never thought of that, but you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“We do have every kind of food imaginable and people from everywhere.”

“Duh.”

“I think I’ll get tacos on the way home.  I’m having Italian tomorrow, with a friend of mine.”

“What’s American food?”

“Uh, Grilled Cheese, mac and cheese? I have not idea.  Not really. I don’t know if there is any American food.  Pancakes?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I don’t think so either.”

“Corn on the cob!,” he said.

“Yes!!!  Corn on the cob.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Almost.”

“Good enough.  Now can I have more of whatever you just gave me?” he said, pawing at his empty plate.

“Yes,” she said.

“Jinx said he had fun at your place last night.”

“Oh, good.  I got a couple new bean bag chairs.”

“I don’t mean to rush you, but maybe you should go and get the art supplies.  Cats can’t see the same colors you see, so use your own judgment.  I might stop by tonight and look things over.”

“Works for me,” she said, cleaning up.

“Hug and kiss me now, and get it over with.”

She wrapped her arms around him.  He leaned into her.  She kissed me all over his face and ran her hands down his sides.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I know,” he said, shaking his fur back into place.  “Now go, already.”

“You love me too, you know.”

“Whatever,” he said.

She kissed him again, picked up her tote bag and left him to his nap.

 

 

The Conversation…

“Whatever happened to those kids who were going to get Congress to change gun control laws.  They had their pictures on the covers of magazines, were interviewed, marched, got everyone excited and then…”

“Nothing ever comes of things like that.  The rich women went to Washington, all huffy, about a shooting in THEIR neighborhood.  Nothing happened for them either.  I bet that was a surprise.  Entitlement brings certain expectations you know.  Anyway, the government lets people blow off steam, while they take money from gun lobbyists.  Then they just wait until everyone gets tired of demonstrating and yelling.  They know that eventually everyone will go back to their regular lives.  No matter how many kids die in school shootings, no matter how many people march for BLM, or women’s rights, nothing happens and it won’t…not until we the people, make a new government.”

“And when will that happen?”

“Never.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Why are you bring that up?” she asked, giving him a heaping plate of cat food.

“I was just thinking about how long it will take for people to rebel.”

“Good luck with that,” she snorted.

“Doesn’t the government care how many of your kids die from gun violence?”

“No.  They’re too busy protecting the cells of a fetus, to think about kids who are hungry and cold, shot to death in classrooms and all the rest.  It’s not about what’s right and wrong, it’s about controlling certain populations.”

“And you guys just let it happen?”

“I’m not talking about this again, because nothing has changed and you know they’ve made it impossible for us to change anything.”

“Maybe you should start a new country.  You guys did that to the Native Americans.  Just name a place something new and form a different government.  Be sure you have a flag.  I’ve heard that flags are important.”

She stared at him.  “If only.”

“I like this food.  You can bring it again.”

“Thanks” she said, getting some treats out of her tote bag.

“Are we having a valentine’s Day Party?” he asked, washing his whiskers with his paw.

“Sure.”

“If it’s a day of love and we all love hamsters, so how could it be a bad thing to bring a bunch of live hamsters…”

“No.  Absolutely not.”

“You’re no fun.  You probably already know that, since I can’t be the only one to have told you.  But I was wondering if you could get us a seal.  They seem to have a lot of them in California and I figured they wouldn’t miss one, or two, of them.”

“You do know that seals are BIG animals, don’t you.  And they can’t run, so you can’t chase them and play with them.  They could roll on you and squash you like a bug, or maybe eat you.”

“So, will you order one?” he asked, hopefully.  “They don’t sell them on Amazon.  I already looked.  The only ones they have are stuffed ones for kids.”

“You actually thought Amazon sold live seals?”

“They sell everything else, so why not?”

“Sometimes you make me feel as if I’m living in THE YELLOW WALLPAPER.”

“Are you saying that I’m driving you crazy and one day I’ll see you crawling along the curb muttering to yourself?”

“Yes.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“You need to chill out,” he said.

“You read THE YELLOW WALLPAPER?”

“I sat in on a lit class a couple of summers ago, so yeah, I read it.  The other woman in the story was the real enemy.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Human females are low on the totem pole.”

“Ya think?”

“I do, that’s why I said it.”

“Sometimes you make me tired.”

“That’s a good thing, right?  I mean you’re always exhausted.”

She nodded.  “I’m trying to solve the world’s problems through sleep depravation.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work.  No one even knows what you’re doing.”

“I was being facetious.”

“Maybe you should get people together to clean up the plastic laying on beaches.”

“We don’t live by an ocean.”

“We live by a big lake,”  he said.  “A REALLY big lake.”

“I think it’s pretty clean. They have who people take care of that, at least in the rich areas.”

“Why can’t they do that everywhere?  I mean by the oceans.”

“They obviously don’t want to.”

“Again…your species are slobs and idiots.”

“And?”

“Just saying.”

“It’s called stating the obvious.”

“I’m ready for a nap.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you,” she said, cleaning up.  “Tell Jinx hello.  His food is right here and I’ll see all of you tonight.”

“Don’t forget about the seal.”

“What seal?” she said, standing up.

“You do know that I know your credit card number, right?”

“Sweet dreams,” she whispered, kissing his face.  “I love you.”

“Yeah, I know.  Just not enough to get me a seal.”

She ran her hands over his side, kissed him again, and walked away as his eyes were closing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

“Our relationship is no longer working,” he said.

She stared at him.  “What are you talking about?”

“You aren’t giving me your full attention.”

“Jeez, sorry abut that,” she said, putting a dish of food in front of him.  “I do have a life, you know.”

“One that’s supposed to be dedicated to me and to the rest of the cats.”

“Oh, is that how you see it.”

“That’s how it is,” he said.  “I don’t know what’s distracting you, but you’re not putting a hundred percent into me anymore.”

“You could ask me why, you know.”

“Okay, I’ll bite.  Why are you ignoring us?”

“I’m not ignoring you.  I’m here everyday and you come over every night.  I just don’t stay as long as I used to, some days.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been…busy, I guess.”

“Catmass is over, so there’s no excuse.”

“It was a good party, wasn’t it,” she said, thinking of the cats climbing the trees.

“It was a great party,” he agreed, but that wasn’t the question.”

“I’m tired.”

“You look tired and you’re probably not eating enough chocolate.”

“True.”

“We depend on you, you know that, right?  You  probably haven’t even heard about Jinx’s new girlfriend.”

“Tell me,” she said excitedly.

“She’s from Canada.”

“And?”

“What more do you need to know?”

“What does she look like?”

“Petite, pink nose, white fur with black spots.”

“Sounds pretty.”

“Jinx thinks so.”

“How are the heated beds working out?” she asked.

“Good.  Everyone likes them.  It’s getting colder each night.”

“Everyone can always stay with me,” she said.

“I know.  Over the next few days, they might, at least once the sun goes down.”

“The vet told me that everyone looks pretty good.”

“She said Terry’s ear is almost better,” he said.

“That’s good news,” she said, happily.  “I wanted him to stay at my place longer but he said he wanted to be outside.”

“Yeah, he’s been out a long time.  Hard for him to be inside a house.”

“Maybe you could talk him into a few more days, so I can keep an eye on his ear.”

“Maybe.”

“Are you still sulking?”

“I don’t sulk,” he said, sitting up straight.  “Ever.”

“Seems like you’re sulking,” she said, looking at him.

“Well, I’m not and you should be more worried about the cops killing guys in the street.”

“I am worried about that, but it seems as if it’s never going to stop.  No matter how insane, they just keep killing people.”

“You don’t really do anything to make any of the people in charge, change. You’re all a bunch of…”

“You’re right,” she said, miserably.

“I’m always right,” he said.  “I can’t understand why you just don’t get that.”

“Did you ever notice how one generation just starts dying out and then suddenly, they’re all gone?”

“No,” he said.  “I never noticed that.  Cats don’t bother with those things.”

“That’s good,” she said.  “But whether you know it or not, it still happens.”

“You’re like a little ray of sunshine,” he said.  “You know that, don’t you?”

“I just though you’d want to know.”

“Well, you’re wrong…again,”  he said.

“Did you register for the gardening class you want to take?” she asked.

“No.  I think I’ll just get a book that tells me everything I want to know about growing catnip.”

“That’s a good idea.  I can look for a book, if you like.”

“Thanks, but there’s an angora who lives down the street and she said she’d order it from Amazon, when her people were out,” he said.

“Pretty soon, the only place to shop will be Amazon.  Then what?  It’s scary to think about, she said.

“The only way to stop that is to stop buying from them.”

“You’re right.  So that’s one more thing that’s never going to change.  The new kids don’t even know what life was like without Amazon.  So, I guess I’ll see you tonight, then.”

“Yes.  We’re coming for dinner,” he said.

“Who is coming for dinner?”

“All of us, mostly.”

“Oh, then I have to go to the store before I go home.  I’ll pick up some fresh nip for all of you and some new fake mice.”

“Always fake,” he said, unhappily.

“Yes, always,” she said, leaning forward to rub her face against his.  “I love you.”

“I know.”

She ran her hands over him, then kissed his nose.

“Yuk, don’t DO that,” he said, running his paw over his face.  “Gross.”

She smiled, stood up, said goodbye and walked away.

“Watch out for cars,” he called, then curled into a ball and closed his eyes.

 

 

The Catmas Conversation…

“Are there any more sardines?” he asked, looking up at her.

“Yes,” she said.  “I’ll get them right away.”

“You know sardines are little fishes, don’t you?”

“I do,” she said, softly.

“So, you bought them for us anyway?”

She nodded, and opened another can.

“This puts you in a bad position.  I mean, life always does that to every living thing, but you love meat eating cats and you’re a vegetarian who is against killing anything.  If we don’t eat other meat, we’ll die, so what are you to do?  You give us what we need to stay alive, at the expense of the things you believe to be bad.”

“What’s your point?” she asked.

“My point is that life is out to get everyone and everyday we’re alive, we spend it fighting back, whether we know it or not.”

“This is not merry Catmas talk,” she sighed, putting the plate on the floor.

“I didn’t know there was such a thing.”

“There has to be, right?”

“No idea,” he said.  “if there is, I’ve never heard of it.”

“I think everyone liked the new catnip mice.”

“What gave it away?” he snickered, staring at a cat laying upside down on what was left of a blue mouse.

She smiled at him and reached down to rub his ears.  “Do all cats celebrate Catmas?”

“In their own way, yes.”

“What’s it all about?” she asked, tearing open a bag of treats.

“It’s a day when cats celebrate their god like natures, their perfection and beauty.  A time when we remember the cats who have gone on ahead of us.  We acknowledge their bravery, and their often difficult lives.  It’s about survival and admiring our skills.”

“That sounds nice,” she said.  “I can see why you would celebrate those things.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” she said.  “Do cats have a god?”

“We ARE Gods,” he said, surprised.  “Surely you knew that.”

“I did, actually.  I was just checking.”

“It’s a good thing you put up two christmas trees for us to climb.  At least some of the ornaments are still on the one you decorated.”

“True. They’re all cat ornaments, even the broken ones.”

“They don’t look like any of us,” he said.

“They’re symbolic.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think I should put Puss and Boots back on the TV?”

“You know that movie is unrealistic, don’t you?”

“Yes.  I do.  I’ve never seen a real cat walk around in boots, wearing a hat, fighting with a sword.”

“Besides that,” he said.

“Like what?”

“Cats don’t really waste time solving mysteries.  They don’t drink in bars and we don’t dance.”

“Is that all?”

“No, but you can put it on, because it makes all of us laugh.”

“Laughing cats,” she whispered. “No one would ever believe me.”

“Can we have some more dry food?” asked a sleek black cat, politely.

“Absolutely,” she said grabbing a big bag of cat food.  “Where would you like it?”

“Follow me,” said the cat.

She filled the dish and went back to the kitchen.

“You spoil us,” he said.

“Do not.  There is no such thing.”

“Maybe.  But you do everything we ask you to do.”

“That’s not spoiling you, that’s loving you.”

“You don’t treat humans the way you treat us,” he said, head butting her ankle.

“I don’t care about them as much as I car about you.  Besides, it’s hardly the same thing.”

“I’d ask why not, but I’m thinking about taking a nap on the beanbag chair, over there.”

She smiled at him.  “Sweet dreams.  We can have more fun when you wake up.”

“Will the government be better, the earth clean and healed?  Will cat’s and other animals be safe from humans, will all wars be over, will violence…”

“Not that kind of fun,” she said, shaking her head.

“I didn’t think so.”

“Go take your nap.  I’ll be here when you wake up.  Do you want me to read to you?”

“I’m not a kitten, thank you very much.”

“Just offering.”

“But if you want to read to the others, it’s okay with me.”

“HEY, YOU GUYS WANT ME TO READ A STORY?”

The cats all sat down and waited.

She grabbed Harry Potter and turned to the first page…*

 

*Cats love Harry Potter stories.  Read them to your cat/s and you’ll see.

Merry Catmas to all and to all a MEOW.

The Conversation…

“You look worse than yesterday.”

“Thanks,” she said, putting a dish of food in front of him.

“Do you think Amazon sells live mice?”

“I refuse to answer that question and don’t bother asking me to look it up.”

“How about fish? What about overnight delivery?”

“Stop it.”

“Stuffed animals?”

“What?”

“You know those things kids drag around.”

“Yes, they sell them.  Why?  Do you want a stuffed bird?”

“No.  I thought some of the young cats might like them.”

She leaned over and kissed him.

“I’ll pick up a couple for the Catmas party.”

“Rub them with catnip.  Not a lot, just lightly.”

“Okay.”

“Are you getting a whole salmon for us?”

“Uh.”

“It’s Catmas, after all, or were you planning on giving us the same thing you always give us?”

“Yes, the same thing I always give you.”

“Were’s your Catmas spirit?” he asked, staring at her.

“Do you think I work for you?”

“Yes.  Now about the fish…”

“I don’t get paid, and I don’t get any benefits.”

“You have the pleasure of being around all of us.  That’s benefit enough, isn’t it?”

She looked at him and said, “I guess it is.”

“A salmon would be nice, but get some chicken too, a lot of cats don’t like fish.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” she said.  “I know your cat food is made from dead animals, but i can’t just buy them whole like that.  It’s too horrible.”

“Get over it.  We need it to live.”

“How about a nice salad?”

“I’ll let that go, because you’re tired and you obviously don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do know what I’m saying.  I know exactly what I’m saying.”

“So not a real party then, right?”

“You’re asking for more than I can give,” she said.

“I see.  Would it bother you if we brought our own snacks?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we’ll just have to eat what you give us, I guess.”

“I guess.”

“Don’t put that fish video on the TV.  Some of the cats are still having bad dreams about not being able to catch any of them.”

“Okay.”

“Do you care if I order a few things from Amazon and have them bill your account,” he asked, licking his paw.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Then just ignore the charges on your next bill.”

“So, you were the one who used my computer last night.”

“Probably.”

“What did you order?”

“Let’s just say that a very large scratching post may be delivered in a few days.”

“I used to think it was a good thing that you could read,” she sighed.

“And maybe a couple books on birds and voles.”

“What is it with you and voles?”

“Not that many animal names start with the letter v.  So, they seem kind of fun.  Small, not a lot of meat on them, but fun to chase.”

“I’m going home.  This conversation is making me even more tired.”

She kissed him, ran her hands over him a few times and stood up.  “Please don’t use my computer without asking me.”

“Sure,” he said, smiling, and closing his eyes.  “Whatever you say.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

“You don’t look so good,” he said, rolling over.

“I’m tired and I hate the darkness and cold weather.”

“And yet you stay.  At least the flurries aren’t piling up, so be happy for that.  Rain most of the time.”

“I want to be grateful for the sun.”

“Yeah.  Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we,” he said, eating his food.

“No.  We don’t.”

“What presents do you want for Christmas?” he asked.

“Peace on earth, especially for animals and an end to violence against women, children and animals.”

“Now tell me what you want that’s realistic and even possible.”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I’m sleep deprived, so it’s hard to think.”

“You should sleep like we do.  Eighteen to twenty hours a day.  You’ll feel better that way.”

“What’s the point?”

“Of what?” he asked, confused.

“Never mind.  Just seems like you sleep your lives away, except for eating, throwing up, and fighting.”

“We sleep so we don’t have to watch your species kill everything.”

She kissed him.  “That makes perfect sense.  Now I get it.”

“I thought you knew that,” he said, pawing at his dish.

“Do you want more?”

“What do you think?”

“What do you want for Catmas?”

“Live mice, voles, squirrels, fish, birds…”

“Realistically, I mean,” she clarified.

“Catnip, food and…a soft place to sleep.”

“Much better,” she said.  “I’m glad most of you are staying with me now.  It’s so cold and raw outside.”

“I don’t know why we can’t just have summer all the time.  It’s stupid to go through this every year.  I’ve often thought of being a snow bird.”

“Seriously?” she said.  “You must be joking.  How would you get to a warmer climate?  Walk, Hitch?”

“I thought I would just lay on the street and look pathetic.  Surely someone would pick me up and take me to Florida.”

“You’re wrong.  You’d be run over.”

“You could drive me,”  he said.

“Would you really go?”

“No.  But it would be nice to be warm, without going inside.”

“I agree.”

“What’s with that, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, stuff?” he asked.

“What you mean?”

“Seems like the mouse is an add on.  If a cat was around, that’s probably why the mouse wasn’t stirring and more than likely, he would never stir again.”

“Some cats get along with mice.”

“Yeah, well, every species has some individuals who are a little…different.”

“That’s true.”

“I know.  That’s why I said it.”

“Jinx said something about inviting some cats from another neighborhood over for Catmas.”

“He and Killer thought it might be a good idea.  I told him that cats are territorial, but he thinks we can make peace with them.”

“So, Jinx is taking Killer under his wing, so to speak?”

“Cats don’t have wings, at least not that you can see. He has taken her under his paw.  He’s very protective of her, because of her size and background.  She follows him everywhere.  She thinks she’s his bodyguard.”

“That’s sweet.”

“It’s just the way he can keep an eye on her while making her feel that she’s doing something important.  Kind of like your government.  They make you all feel that there’s a point to having you around for anything but slave labor, and you all believe it.”

“You can invite the other cats, if you like.”

“I don’t like.  But Jinx is a negotiator, always trying to make peace wherever he goes.”

“That’s great.”

“No, it’s not.  It’s one thing to not fight with a group and agree to stay neutral, but resource distribution is part of my job and I have to take care of my cats.”

“I understand,” she said.

“You can only take care of so many of us.  I can’t afford to spread what you do, too thin.”

“You’re right and you’re very smart.”

“You seemed surprised,” he said.

“I’m not.  I’m proud of you.”

“Cats do’t do proud.  We’re all perfect.”

“Right,” she said.  “You are.”

“We were talking and we think crepe paper streamers, hanging from the ceiling, might be fun.”

“Okay.”

“You know Santa is a pervert, don’t you?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“He sees you when you’re sleeping and when you’re awake, he knows everything you do and you’re supposed to be good, after he breaks into your house.”

“True.”

“You don’t have to worry, because we’ll all be there to protect you.  If he comes to your place, we’ll tear him to shreds and release the reindeer into the wild, where they belong.”

“Thank you.  I feel very safe now.”

“You’re one of us.  We take care of our own.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she sniffed.  “That I’m one of you.”

“I keep telling you to have your DNA checked, by you continue to ignore me”

“Sorry.”

“Saying you’re sorry is useless.  Just do it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I feel a nap coming on,” he sighed, laying down.

“I’ll leave food for Jinx and Killer right here,” she said, putting two dishes on the ground.

“Kiss and pet me then you can go.”

She snickered and leaned over him, tugging on his ears, kissing his soft neck. She listened to him purr, and then felt him slip into a dream, so she kissed him again, then picked up her tote bag and crept away.”

 

 

 

The Conversation…

“I’m sick of Christmas music.  No matter where I go, it’s pouring out of every window, shop, doorway and car.  What’s with that?  Who really likes Jingle Bells and girls in white dresses.  I see girls in torn jeans, never a blue sash in the lot.”

“I like it,” she sad.  “It’s once a year.”

“There’s not one song about cats in the mix.”

“I love you”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I KNOW THAT?”

“EIGHTY FIVE BILLION times,” she said, seriously.

“Did you finish shopping?”

“Yes, except for the special nip for the party.”

He nodded.  “Did you order the live mice and…”

“I have new blankets and beds, so there’s more than enough room for everyone to stay for a day or two, or as long as they like.”

“Hi,” said Jinx.

“Sweet Angel,” she said, immediately bending down, kissing and petting him.  “You look so beautiful in your thick winter coat.”

“Thank you, but it just happens, you know.  I don’t do anything to make my fur thicker.”

“You’re such a wonderful cat,” she said, hugging him.

“What about me?” said Killer.

“You look fabulous.  Tuxedo cats are always dressed for any occasion.”

“I guess,” said Killer.  “I would like to be bigger, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“You’re perfect the way you are,” she said, running her hand over her.

“The vet was here and gave me a shot,” said Killer.  “I hate her.”

“She’s such a good person.  She does everything she can to keep all of you healthy and in the best shape possible.  If she gave you a shot, you surely needed it.”

“Still didn’t like it.”

“No one likes shots,” said Jinx.  “But they can make us better, or stop us from getting sick.”

“Gak,” said Killer.  “I have to go.  See all of you later.”

“She’s a good cat,” said Jinx, sweetly.  “Everyone likes her.  But I just stopped by to say hello.  I’m needed in the alley.”

She kissed him again and scratched him under his chin.  He closed his eyes and purred loudly, then said goodbye and took off.

“What is it with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“All this kissing and petting, is what I mean.  If you love everyone, then love does’t count.  No one is special, if everyone is.”

She stared at him.  “Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Jealous of what?”

“The attention I give to others?”

“Did you bring any treats?”

She opened a bag and put some treats in front of him.  “Do I belong to you?”

“What do you think?” he sniffed.

“I love all the cats and you know that,” she said.

He looked away.

“You know you’re my special cat.  You know how much I love you.”

He turned his back to her.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

He started licking his paw.

“I’m always going to pet the others, but that has nothing to do with our relationship.”

“Live chipmunks?”

“Nice try,” she said.

“Voles?”

“Where would I get live voles?”

“The garden?”

“It’s winter and I wouldn’t get them even if I could.”

“Killer was the smallest in her litter,” he said.  “The people who had her mother, didn’t want the kittens, but no one took Killer.  They moved and just put her on the street to fend for herself.  She was too young and she was lost.  Jinx found her under a bush in the park and brought her here.  She’s being protected and lives with the others in the alley.  Everyone is watching out for her.”

“I’m so glad.”

He nodded.  Humans are horrible creatures.”

“Yes, they are.”

“It will be good for her to stay at your place for a few weeks.”

“She’s more than welcome.”

“Okay.  I’ll set it up.”

“I have a bed that’s just her size.”

“So, I saw that you had a Catmas dish for our treats and a Jingle Claws bowl, as well.”

“That’s true.”

“Everyone will like that.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“You never have to worry that I’ll ever love anyone more than you.”

“I know.”

“All the other cats know that.”

“You think?”

“Yes.”

He flopped down and rolled on his side.  “I might move everyone into your first floor apartment for the winter.  It’s too cold and dangerous out here.”

“I would love that.  That’s why I bought the two-flat to begin with…so you could all live on the first floor and I could live on the second and make sure you were all okay.”

“Is the tree up?”

“It is.”

“Is it a good climbing tree?”

“Yes.”

“You can kiss me now and give me pets.”

She smiled and put her arms around him.  “I love you so much,” she whispered into his ear.  I’ll always love you.”  She gave him kisses and petted him, running her fingers through his thick coat.  “You’re so beautiful,” she sighed.

“I know.”

She laughed.  Kissed him again and said, “I’m going to get more cat food.  Bring everyone over tonight, if you can.”

“Okay,” he said, his eyes already closing.

She grabbed her tote bag, stopped to pet a calico, who was walking by, and then went shopping for forty cats.

The Conversation…

“You over your dead bird nightmare, now that thanksgiving is gone?”

“It not something you ever get over.  The horror never ends,” she said.

“Well, maybe now you can concentrate on important things, like Catmas.”

“It’s going to be a two day party, starting early Catmas Eve, going through Catmas Day, and into the next morning.”

“Sound good to me.”

“There will be enough places for everyone to sleep, and lots to eat.”

“Presents?”

“Of course.”

“Will you put those swimming fish on your TV again?”

“If you like.”

“Let me think about it.  It took Tommy a few days to recover, after he watched it.”

“I think there’s one with mice or birds.”

“Mmmm, don’t think so.  Triggers the hunting gene and then what?  Nothing to catch.”

“You’re right.  It’s like showing me a chocolate hot lava cake on a baking show, but not letting me eat it.”

“It’s just like that,” he said.

“I saw Jinx a few minutes ago.  He’s down the block.”

“A fight between two males who both want the same thing.  One of the cats is willing to compromise, but the other one isn’t.  Jinx is there to mediate.”

“Jinx is pretty smart.”

“He is.  That’s why he’s second in command.”

“He’s your right paw cat.”

“You know that’s not funny, don’t you.”

“Though I’d give it a shot,” she snickered.

“Stick with what you know,” he said, licking the last of the food off the plate in front of him.

“If I stick with what I know, I’ll never grow.”

“Then grow with other humans, not me.  Right paw cat?  Seriously?  Wouldn’t it be right paw male, if it’s supposed to mean right hand man.  Or else…”

“I get it.  I just thought it was funny,” she said.

“It isn’t.  Now when you pick out a tree, make sure the branches are climbable, because some will climb the tree no matter what, so you might as well make it easier.  That way, the thing won’t fall down all the time, like it did last year.”

“I already knew that.”

“Chicken, tuna, mice, preferably live, chipmunks and…”

“Not gonna happen and you know it,” she said.

“Fine, forget the mice and chipmunks.”

“I already did.”

“I talked to Sam.  He said he’d try hard not to crack the twinkle lights between his teeth.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t promise he won’t do it, but he said he’d try.”

“Good enough.”

“He has issues,” he said.

“We all do.”

“I don’t.”

“Then everyone has them but you.”

“Right.”

“I’m getting good nip and mice that…”

“Like the nip you had the time before last?”

“Yes.”

“Nice,” he said closing his eyes.

“Should I knit hats and things, for you guys?”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Fine.”

“I gotta go?”

“Why?” she asked, surprised.

“Jinx needs help,” he said, jumping off the ledge.

“How do you know?” she called after him.  But he was already too far away.  “I love you,” she whispered.

“He knows that,” said a soft voice.

She looked dow and saw and tiny tuxedo cat.

“Everyone knows you love him.”

“I love all of you,” she said, bending to pet her.  “What’s your name?”

“Killer.”

“Really?  You don’t look like a Killer.”

“What does a Killer look like?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, frowning.  “Bigger and tougher, with more scars, I guess.”

“Killer also looks like me.”

“Okay.  Would you like some food?”

“I already ate everything you left for Jinx.”

“You did?  Then I have to put more out for him.”

“I’ll guard it until he gets back.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure.”

“Are you coming to the Catmas party?”

“Yes,” said Killer.

“Okay,  Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, if you’re around.”

“I will be,” said the small cat.

“Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye,” said Killer, sitting next to Jinx’s plate. She was always true to her word. She would guard the food until he came back to eat it.  In the meantime, a nap wouldn’t hurt.

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

“Do you think they’ll get rid of thanksgiving?  I mean it’s a useless holiday, when you think about it.  It’s between Halloween and Catmas.  It’s an eating holiday.  Eating dead birds and not talking about the Native Americans you guys murdered and took everything from, right?  Is that what you celebrate?  Death?”

“I don’t acknowledge that holiday.  It’s mean.”

“People spend weeks making food, then they spend all day cleaning up, while other people sleep in front of tv’s.  Then they go shopping.”

“Don’t know.  Don’t care.”

“Why isn’t everyone thankful all the time?” he asked, licking his paw.

“Better yet, who are they thanking?”

“The force.  The energy that we’re made of, I guess.  Or maybe a statue,” he mused.

“I don’t really know.  Maybe people just throw gratitude to the universe.  I mean I’m grateful for you, after all, and for sunny days?” she said.

“Why?”

“Because the alternative isn’t having you, or seeing the sun, so I’m grateful every time I see you and all the others.”

“Grateful for, or grateful to something?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

“I think the people who run the country are grateful that you’re all so stupid that you give them your money and work all your lives so they can have private planes and boats, and four houses, and…”

“I get it.”

“You’re supposed to be grateful for whatever they allow you to have, and hope that if you can’t afford health care, you don’t get sick so you can be grateful for staying healthy.”

“Why are we having this discussion?”

“Because it’s your next stupid holiday where nice people will volunteer to feed the homeless and give food to those who can’t afford to feed their families.  That’s why.”

“A friend of mine sent me a magazine on cats.”

“And?”

“It said that the reason cats lose interest in their toys is because they don’t break.  I’m assuming the things you catch outside, do.  So I guess you get bored that toys don’t die, or fight back.”

“And?”

“Just sayin’.”

“What else do some humans think they know about us, even though they’re a different species and not even a bright species, at that?”

“Said your mothers teach you everything you will need to know to get through life.  Said that if she doesn’t teach you to trust humans, you won’t.   And that if you’re not a lap cat from early on, you won’t be.”

“Want me to tell you what cats think about you?”

“Probably not,” she sighed.

“Good choice.”

“They also said that head butting doesn’t mean you love us, since you do that to walls, and furniture and fences and everything else you want to mark, so others will know what belongs to you.”

“Nice that you guys think you know why we do what we do, when you don’t actually have a clue.  Ever hear of walking in the other species paws?”

“Not really, but I know what you mean.  How’s Jinx’s love life?”

“He’s single again.  He’s that kind of cat.  Falls in love easily, but things rarely last.”

“Is he okay?”

“Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“Just checking.”

“It’s time for my nap, so if you’re going to hug and kiss me, you better do it now.”

She grinned and hugged him, then ran her hands over him, before she started kissing him.

“You finished?” he asked, pulling away, straightening his fur.

“For now.”

“Great.  See you latter tonight,” he said, curling up.  “And yes, I’ll tell Jinx you said hello, and show him where you put his food.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, rubbing his ears.  “I love you.”

“I know,” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

She grabbed her tote bag and quietly walked away.