Art and the philosophy of life

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The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“I’m sick of Christmas music.  No matter where I go, it’s pouring out of every window, shop, doorway and car.  What’s with that?  Who really likes Jingle Bells and girls in white dresses.  I see girls in torn jeans, never a blue sash in the lot.”

“I like it,” she sad.  “It’s once a year.”

“There’s not one song about cats in the mix.”

“I love you”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I KNOW THAT?”

“EIGHTY FIVE BILLION times,” she said, seriously.

“Did you finish shopping?”

“Yes, except for the special nip for the party.”

He nodded.  “Did you order the live mice and…”

“I have new blankets and beds, so there’s more than enough room for everyone to stay for a day or two, or as long as they like.”

“Hi,” said Jinx.

“Sweet Angel,” she said, immediately bending down, kissing and petting him.  “You look so beautiful in your thick winter coat.”

“Thank you, but it just happens, you know.  I don’t do anything to make my fur thicker.”

“You’re such a wonderful cat,” she said, hugging him.

“What about me?” said Killer.

“You look fabulous.  Tuxedo cats are always dressed for any occasion.”

“I guess,” said Killer.  “I would like to be bigger, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“You’re perfect the way you are,” she said, running her hand over her.

“The vet was here and gave me a shot,” said Killer.  “I hate her.”

“She’s such a good person.  She does everything she can to keep all of you healthy and in the best shape possible.  If she gave you a shot, you surely needed it.”

“Still didn’t like it.”

“No one likes shots,” said Jinx.  “But they can make us better, or stop us from getting sick.”

“Gak,” said Killer.  “I have to go.  See all of you later.”

“She’s a good cat,” said Jinx, sweetly.  “Everyone likes her.  But I just stopped by to say hello.  I’m needed in the alley.”

She kissed him again and scratched him under his chin.  He closed his eyes and purred loudly, then said goodbye and took off.

“What is it with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“All this kissing and petting, is what I mean.  If you love everyone, then love does’t count.  No one is special, if everyone is.”

She stared at him.  “Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Jealous of what?”

“The attention I give to others?”

“Did you bring any treats?”

She opened a bag and put some treats in front of him.  “Do I belong to you?”

“What do you think?” he sniffed.

“I love all the cats and you know that,” she said.

He looked away.

“You know you’re my special cat.  You know how much I love you.”

He turned his back to her.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

He started licking his paw.

“I’m always going to pet the others, but that has nothing to do with our relationship.”

“Live chipmunks?”

“Nice try,” she said.

“Voles?”

“Where would I get live voles?”

“The garden?”

“It’s winter and I wouldn’t get them even if I could.”

“Killer was the smallest in her litter,” he said.  “The people who had her mother, didn’t want the kittens, but no one took Killer.  They moved and just put her on the street to fend for herself.  She was too young and she was lost.  Jinx found her under a bush in the park and brought her here.  She’s being protected and lives with the others in the alley.  Everyone is watching out for her.”

“I’m so glad.”

He nodded.  Humans are horrible creatures.”

“Yes, they are.”

“It will be good for her to stay at your place for a few weeks.”

“She’s more than welcome.”

“Okay.  I’ll set it up.”

“I have a bed that’s just her size.”

“So, I saw that you had a Catmas dish for our treats and a Jingle Claws bowl, as well.”

“That’s true.”

“Everyone will like that.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“You never have to worry that I’ll ever love anyone more than you.”

“I know.”

“All the other cats know that.”

“You think?”

“Yes.”

He flopped down and rolled on his side.  “I might move everyone into your first floor apartment for the winter.  It’s too cold and dangerous out here.”

“I would love that.  That’s why I bought the two-flat to begin with…so you could all live on the first floor and I could live on the second and make sure you were all okay.”

“Is the tree up?”

“It is.”

“Is it a good climbing tree?”

“Yes.”

“You can kiss me now and give me pets.”

She smiled and put her arms around him.  “I love you so much,” she whispered into his ear.  I’ll always love you.”  She gave him kisses and petted him, running her fingers through his thick coat.  “You’re so beautiful,” she sighed.

“I know.”

She laughed.  Kissed him again and said, “I’m going to get more cat food.  Bring everyone over tonight, if you can.”

“Okay,” he said, his eyes already closing.

She grabbed her tote bag, stopped to pet a calico, who was walking by, and then went shopping for forty cats.

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“You over your dead bird nightmare, now that thanksgiving is gone?”

“It not something you ever get over.  The horror never ends,” she said.

“Well, maybe now you can concentrate on important things, like Catmas.”

“It’s going to be a two day party, starting early Catmas Eve, going through Catmas Day, and into the next morning.”

“Sound good to me.”

“There will be enough places for everyone to sleep, and lots to eat.”

“Presents?”

“Of course.”

“Will you put those swimming fish on your TV again?”

“If you like.”

“Let me think about it.  It took Tommy a few days to recover, after he watched it.”

“I think there’s one with mice or birds.”

“Mmmm, don’t think so.  Triggers the hunting gene and then what?  Nothing to catch.”

“You’re right.  It’s like showing me a chocolate hot lava cake on a baking show, but not letting me eat it.”

“It’s just like that,” he said.

“I saw Jinx a few minutes ago.  He’s down the block.”

“A fight between two males who both want the same thing.  One of the cats is willing to compromise, but the other one isn’t.  Jinx is there to mediate.”

“Jinx is pretty smart.”

“He is.  That’s why he’s second in command.”

“He’s your right paw cat.”

“You know that’s not funny, don’t you.”

“Though I’d give it a shot,” she snickered.

“Stick with what you know,” he said, licking the last of the food off the plate in front of him.

“If I stick with what I know, I’ll never grow.”

“Then grow with other humans, not me.  Right paw cat?  Seriously?  Wouldn’t it be right paw male, if it’s supposed to mean right hand man.  Or else…”

“I get it.  I just thought it was funny,” she said.

“It isn’t.  Now when you pick out a tree, make sure the branches are climbable, because some will climb the tree no matter what, so you might as well make it easier.  That way, the thing won’t fall down all the time, like it did last year.”

“I already knew that.”

“Chicken, tuna, mice, preferably live, chipmunks and…”

“Not gonna happen and you know it,” she said.

“Fine, forget the mice and chipmunks.”

“I already did.”

“I talked to Sam.  He said he’d try hard not to crack the twinkle lights between his teeth.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t promise he won’t do it, but he said he’d try.”

“Good enough.”

“He has issues,” he said.

“We all do.”

“I don’t.”

“Then everyone has them but you.”

“Right.”

“I’m getting good nip and mice that…”

“Like the nip you had the time before last?”

“Yes.”

“Nice,” he said closing his eyes.

“Should I knit hats and things, for you guys?”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Fine.”

“I gotta go?”

“Why?” she asked, surprised.

“Jinx needs help,” he said, jumping off the ledge.

“How do you know?” she called after him.  But he was already too far away.  “I love you,” she whispered.

“He knows that,” said a soft voice.

She looked dow and saw and tiny tuxedo cat.

“Everyone knows you love him.”

“I love all of you,” she said, bending to pet her.  “What’s your name?”

“Killer.”

“Really?  You don’t look like a Killer.”

“What does a Killer look like?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, frowning.  “Bigger and tougher, with more scars, I guess.”

“Killer also looks like me.”

“Okay.  Would you like some food?”

“I already ate everything you left for Jinx.”

“You did?  Then I have to put more out for him.”

“I’ll guard it until he gets back.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure.”

“Are you coming to the Catmas party?”

“Yes,” said Killer.

“Okay,  Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, if you’re around.”

“I will be,” said the small cat.

“Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye,” said Killer, sitting next to Jinx’s plate. She was always true to her word. She would guard the food until he came back to eat it.  In the meantime, a nap wouldn’t hurt.

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“Do you think they’ll get rid of thanksgiving?  I mean it’s a useless holiday, when you think about it.  It’s between Halloween and Catmas.  It’s an eating holiday.  Eating dead birds and not talking about the Native Americans you guys murdered and took everything from, right?  Is that what you celebrate?  Death?”

“I don’t acknowledge that holiday.  It’s mean.”

“People spend weeks making food, then they spend all day cleaning up, while other people sleep in front of tv’s.  Then they go shopping.”

“Don’t know.  Don’t care.”

“Why isn’t everyone thankful all the time?” he asked, licking his paw.

“Better yet, who are they thanking?”

“The force.  The energy that we’re made of, I guess.  Or maybe a statue,” he mused.

“I don’t really know.  Maybe people just throw gratitude to the universe.  I mean I’m grateful for you, after all, and for sunny days?” she said.

“Why?”

“Because the alternative isn’t having you, or seeing the sun, so I’m grateful every time I see you and all the others.”

“Grateful for, or grateful to something?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

“I think the people who run the country are grateful that you’re all so stupid that you give them your money and work all your lives so they can have private planes and boats, and four houses, and…”

“I get it.”

“You’re supposed to be grateful for whatever they allow you to have, and hope that if you can’t afford health care, you don’t get sick so you can be grateful for staying healthy.”

“Why are we having this discussion?”

“Because it’s your next stupid holiday where nice people will volunteer to feed the homeless and give food to those who can’t afford to feed their families.  That’s why.”

“A friend of mine sent me a magazine on cats.”

“And?”

“It said that the reason cats lose interest in their toys is because they don’t break.  I’m assuming the things you catch outside, do.  So I guess you get bored that toys don’t die, or fight back.”

“And?”

“Just sayin’.”

“What else do some humans think they know about us, even though they’re a different species and not even a bright species, at that?”

“Said your mothers teach you everything you will need to know to get through life.  Said that if she doesn’t teach you to trust humans, you won’t.   And that if you’re not a lap cat from early on, you won’t be.”

“Want me to tell you what cats think about you?”

“Probably not,” she sighed.

“Good choice.”

“They also said that head butting doesn’t mean you love us, since you do that to walls, and furniture and fences and everything else you want to mark, so others will know what belongs to you.”

“Nice that you guys think you know why we do what we do, when you don’t actually have a clue.  Ever hear of walking in the other species paws?”

“Not really, but I know what you mean.  How’s Jinx’s love life?”

“He’s single again.  He’s that kind of cat.  Falls in love easily, but things rarely last.”

“Is he okay?”

“Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“Just checking.”

“It’s time for my nap, so if you’re going to hug and kiss me, you better do it now.”

She grinned and hugged him, then ran her hands over him, before she started kissing him.

“You finished?” he asked, pulling away, straightening his fur.

“For now.”

“Great.  See you latter tonight,” he said, curling up.  “And yes, I’ll tell Jinx you said hello, and show him where you put his food.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, rubbing his ears.  “I love you.”

“I know,” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

She grabbed her tote bag and quietly walked away.

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“Well, that’s one thing over for another year,” he said.  “Now, on to Catmas.”

“Yes.  Catmas is always great fun.”

“The Halloween party was nice.  The food was good and everyone liked the new catnip mice.”

“I’m so glad,” she said, smiling.

“Are there any Catmas movies?”

“Mmmmm,” she muttered.  “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe we should make one.”

“Make a movie?”

“Yes.  A movie with cats.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” she said, giving him more treats.

“I don’t have bad ideas.”

“Right,” she snickered.  “So what will the movie be about?  Any car chases?”

“We have to write a script.”

“Okay.”

“I think there’s a need for cat films,” he said.  “I can be the star and the director.”

“If you say so.”

“You can be the camera person, since you have thumbs.”

“Sure.  Why not.”

“You don’t seem to be taking this seriously.”

“I am,” she said.  “Cross my heart.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“No idea, but people do it when they’re little.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Beats me,” she said, putting a pinch of catnip on the cement.

“You’ll have to shop the film around.  Most big studio’s probably won’t want to make a contract with a cat.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Maybe we can get Michael Douglas to be in it.  He’s getting older and can’t run as fast as he used to, so he would be good for the younger cats to hunt.”

“You want to make a film where cats  hunt down Michael Douglas?”

“Yes.”

“He’s an amazing actor.”

“I know that.”

“People love him,” she said.

“That’s the whole point of him being in the film.”

“What happens when you catch him?  You’re not going to kill him are you?”

“No.  I think he’ll end up opening up a cat cafe, where cat’s can gather and do cat things.  There will be huge open aquariums, and lots of mice, chipmunks…”

“No people?”

“Why would there be people?  All the movies have people. This movie will be about cats, not people.  People get enough screen time.”

“Who will buy it?”

“Anyone who loves cats, or has a cat, who else?”

“What’s the story line?”

“With, or without Michael Douglas?”

“Either one,” she said.

“Not sure.  Haven’t had time to think it through, but probably something like Douglas gets lost in a big city.  He ducks into an alley, where a lot of cats live.  They befriend him, share their kills…”

“No, no, no.  Michael Douglas will not eat mice, or other dead things.   No one will want to see THAT.”

“Cats will.”

“You need a chase scene.”

“That’s when the cats chase him.”

“So no cars?”

“Seriously?  Cars?  The government won’t ALLOW cats to drive.”

“I bet you could do it,” she said.

“I know we can do it, but it’s not appropriate to the film.”

“Tell Jinx his food is here, and think about the plot a bit more.  If Douglas is lost and goes into an alley, why can’t he just walk out of the alley?”

“He has a head injury, which means amnesia.”

“I’m going home.  We can talk about this later.”

“But it’s a good idea, don’t you agree?”

“I love you,” she said.

“I know.  I keep telling you that I KNOW.”

“Do you want me to stop telling you that I love you?”

“Of course not,” he said.

“Fine.”

“Dogs are in a lot of movies.”

“A cat was in BELL BOOK AND CANDLE.”

“Yeah, saw it.  The cat was the best actor in the movie.”

“Not true.”

“Was for me.”

She bent over and kissed him, petted his face and ran her hands over him, listening to him purr.

“I love you so much,” she whispered.

“Can’t blame you,” he sighed, closing his eyes.

“Tell Jinx I said hello.”

“Mnnnmm,” he said, as he started dreaming.

She kissed him again, they picked up her tote bag and walked away, admitting that a cat movie really is a great idea.

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“You guys are going to vote soon,” he said, licking his shoulder.

“Yes.”

“Have you noticed that you don’t vote for someone, you vote against the worst person running.”

“I know that.”

“Really screwed up.”

“It has been from the beginning.”

“And yet, you all just go along with the destruction of everything, the earth, each other, the government, education…”

“Let’s talk about something else.”

“Plastic in the ocean?”

“No.  Something nice.”

“I got nothin’,” he said.  “You’ll have to find a subject.”

“Uh, the trees are beautiful colors.”

“I don’t see the same things you do, remember? Colors look different to me. They really look different to you too, you just don’t know it.  We’re both used to seeing what we see, so we never think about what we can’t see.  I mean, how can we know what we can’t see, until we see it, and then it won’t be something we can’t see any longer.”

“I went to the bookstore yesterday.”

“You always go to the bookstore.  Did you buy any books on cats?”

“No.  I bought a book on street art and…”

“Don’t care.  If it’s not about cats, there’s really no point in buying any book.  Are there drawings of cats in the book?”

“No.”

“Then you wasted your money.”

“It’s all about how you look at it,” she said.

“I was reading something and it said that you should never shut down your ego.  Ego’s are necessary to life, so all that Ommmmmm stuff, and trying not to actually be here now, is a waste of time.  Sure it can help you calm down, lower this or that, but you can’t make it your life.  Like the monk who had a child, well, he didn’t have the kid, not himself, a woman did.  Anyway, he was surprised that he didn’t have enough time to meditate twenty-hours a day.  I could have told him real life is a lot different than living in a place with other monks who have no responsibilities for family and keeping food on the table. You have ego’s, actually came equipped with them, and you should use them.  Cats are egos’.  We know we are fabulous and we do what we have to do to survive.  We’re cute, beautiful and more intelligent than humans, which isn’t saying much, if you ask me.”

“Too much catnip?”

“Why?”

“You seem a little hyper.”

“Have you seen Game of Thrones?”

“No.”

“Neither have I.  I don’t know what the big deal is.”

“No idea.”

“Now there’s a dragon thing.”

“I heard.”

“How can anyone care about dragons when there are cats in the real world?”

“Don’t know.  You can’t really fly.”

“Excuse me?” he said.

“I mean, sometimes it seems as if you can fly, but dragons have wings and…”

“Are you saying dragons are better than cats?”

“Of course not.  You’re two different species.”

“Dragons couldn’t even cut it on earth.  They had to fly away, like the unicorns.  They live in pocket universes where they are always safe.  Cats are tough and live with you horrible humans who kill everything.”

“You can’t actually leave, am I right?” she asked, smirking at him.

“We never tried, but we should probably start thinking about it.  Your species is getting crazier all the time.”

“I wish I could argue with you about that,” she sighed.

“You can’t.”

“Halloween will be here in a few days.”

“All those little humans on sugar highs, running up and down the sidewalks,” he hissed.

“Halloween is fun.”

“For you, maybe.  We have to hide all the black cats, so you idiots don’t murder them in sacrifices to some moronic god.”

“Bring them all to my place.”

“Already planned on it.”

“Good.”

“And what is candy corn, anyway?  Is it candy, or is it corn?”

“No one knows.  It’s one of the great mysteries of the world,” she snickered.

“I think it’s candy, because it doesn’t look like corn and it doesn’t grow in fields, where mice live.”

“Then let’s call it candy, from now on.”

He nodded.  “Was that new food I just ate?”

“It was.  Do you like it?”

“You can bring it again.”

“I will.”

“Jinx will like it too.”

“I’m glad,” she said, filing a plate for Jinx.  “Have everyone come to my house soon.  Tell them they’ll be staying for a day or two, until things calm down again, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, eating more treats

“I love you.”

“I know.  You tell me all the time.”

She rubbed her face against his side and made kissy noises.

“Ack!  Stop that.”

She did it louder.

“Time for you to leave” he said, flopping onto his side.  “Jinx and I will stop by tonight.”

“See you then,” she said, picking up her tote bag, watching him close his eyes.

“Mmmm,” he muttered, curling up and falling into a dream, where mice were running through a corn field, on a warm, bright, sunny day.  Purrs rumbled through his body, as his tail twitched and his paws curled inward.

“Must be a good dream,” she whispered, tip-toeing away.

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“I saw your blog yesterday.”

“And?” she asked, unpacking the cat food.

“Two cats and a dog were on it.  I was not one of the cats.”

“They were just pictures,” she said.  “The cats didn’t say anything.”

“Do you know them?  I mean, are you having conversations with other cats behind my back?”

“No.  I do not know them and I am not conversing with other cats.  That’s just silly.”

“Tell me if you start talking to other cats, besides Jinx and our gang.”

“Not gonna happen, so nothing to be concerned about.”

“I’m not concerned.  It’s a matter of…loyalty.”

“Okay.  I’m not talking to any other cats but the ones who live here and visit my place.”

“Why do you put other cats on your blog.”

“I’m not having this discussion,” she said, giving him more treats.

“Aren’t we cute enough for you?”

“You know I think you’re all gorgeous.”

“But not gorgeous enough to be on your blog.”

“Is Jinx still with his new girlfriend?”

“Of course not.  I told you he’s not good with relationships.  He loves them and leaves them, although he’s very kind and sweet.  Cats rarely stay together, when they live on the street.  It’s hard.  They drift away, get hurt, or sick.  They get killed too.”

“Please stop telling me those things,” she said, biting her lip.

“Why?  I’m just telling you how it is.”

“I don’t want it to be that way,” she said, softly.

“Haven’t you noticed that nothing alive gets what it wants?”

She nodded.  “I still want things to be different.”

“Good luck with that,” he snarfed.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” she asked, giving him more food.

“Yes, but I’m disgusted with myself for coming back all the time.  How about you?”

“Same.  At least you grow up fast.  We can’t even roll over or sit up, when we’re born.”

“Humans are pathetic in so many ways.”

“True,” she said, nodding at him.

“The days are a lot shorter now, and the flowers are starting to look worn out.”

“Fall is here.”

“You know, for as smart as you all pretend to be, you can’t actually do much.  I mean change the tilt of the earth so we always have summer, right?  But nooooooo, all your scientists do is write on blackboards, talk among themselves, and play with numbers.  They can’t actually DO ANYTHING.”

“That’s not true,” she said.

“Is too.  A theoretical physicist does…what exactly?” he asked, smiling at her.  “Can any of them tilt the planet?  I don’t think so.  And talking about black holes, dark energy,  and dark matter. gets us…what, exactly?  Why don’t they come up with something we can use?  Like a car that a cat can drive.”

“Where would you go?” she asked, curiously.

“Not the point,” he sighed.  “I saw you watching all those programs.  All the physicists talking for HOURS, but not being able to prove anything…”

Yet,” she said  “They can’t prove a lot of things yet.”

“How long before they can tell us anything?”

“I’ll be dead for a long time and so will a lot of other generations.  Maybe never.”

“My point exactly.  They play all day, everyday.”

“They do what they love,” she said.  “The things they’re dealing with, are huge.  They are also dangerous and far away.”

“Life is dangerous.  You should know that,” he said.

“I do know that.”

“But no one pays you for knowing it.”

She chuckled.  “Good one.”

He nodded, accepting the compliment.  “You love all that stuff.”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not about here.”

“Makes sense,” he said, licking his paw.  “Do you think we came back to this lifetime, together?”

“I do,” she said, immediately.

“Me too,” he said.  “Let’s never come back here again, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Deal?” he asked, holding out his paw.

“Deal,” she said, shaking on it.

“You can go now.  I have a lot to think about.  I’m close to knowing what dark matter is.”

“That’s fantastic.  I can’t wait to hear you ideas.”

“Everything is just consciousness, including dark matter,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “Those guys should know that.  All that exists is consciousness in all its forms.”

She leaned forward and kissed him over and over again, while he purred.  Then she put Jinx’s food down, grabbed her tote bag, and tip-toed away.

 

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“You don’t talk about politics anymore,” he said, staring at the food in front of him.

“I’m tired of it, and I’m so angry about the never ending requests for money, that I pretty much hate everyone.  The other day I had fifty-one emails just in the morning!”

“What is this?” he asked, pawing at the dish.

“It’s good for you.”

“No wonder I don’t like it.  Don’t you have any regular food, the kind that’s not good for me?  If you don’t I’m going to starve to death, or eat that bird, over there.”

“You didn’t even try it,” she said, giving him a new plate of food.

“I can smell it.  It’s disgusting.  You try it and let me know how it is,” he said, as he tucked into his regular canned food.

“Are Jinx and Suzie Bell still together?”

“It’s kind of on again, off again. She thinks he works too much?”

“Does he?”

“No.  She just likes attention.  Besides, Jinx has never been one to settle down.  Life on the street is dangerous.  It’s better not to get too attached to anyone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Jinx knows his work is important.  He keeps everyone safe.  He wanted me to talk to you about reading to the cats, now and then.  He said they would like that.  You can do it in the alley, the park, or your at place, but you can discuss it with him, when you see him.”

“I can do that.  Definitely.”

“i know you can do it, but do you want to do it?”

“Yes, I want to do it.”

“Okay.  Jinx with be happy.  He believes education is important, so this will be a good thing.  You still look like someone ran over you.  When are you going to stop being tired?”

“No idea,” she said, putting her head down on one of the cement stair,  “Everyone I know is tired.”

“It’s probably those shots you all got.  You can’t fight the government if you’re asleep, you know.”

“I do know that.  I don’t get enough sleep.  I stay up late and get up early.”

“Don’t do that anymore.”

“Okay,” she chuckled.

“You never had your DNA tested for cat genes.  If you were part cat, you would never have trouble sleeping.”

“True enough.”

“I tried to get a bird book at the library this morning, but someone new is there and she wouldn’t let me take it.”

“Why do you want a book on birds?”

“I want to know how much each one of them weighs.  Just curious, that’s all.”

“You want to know how fat they are, right.”

“Uh, no, of course not,” he said, looking away.

“What happened to the library lady who always lets you take the books.”

“Vacation.  She won’t be back for another week.”

“You could always read books while you’re there, right?”

“No.  Everyone wants to pet me.”

“Ah.  I can see where that would be a problem.”

“And kids have no boundaries.  They smell funny and they’re sticky.  I don’t like them.  They also scream and want to lay on me.  I really hate that.”

“Understandable, but I’m not getting you a bird book so you can figure out which birds weigh the most.”

“You’re trying to control my life,” he said, turning his back on her.

“I’m trying to save the lives of birds.”

“You’re ignoring my true nature.”

“I know.”

“You do?” he asked, turning to look at her.

“Yes, but I don’t want anyone killed and you can eat at my house anytime you feel like it. And yes, I know it’s not about the food, it’s about instinct and the chase, but…”

“What if I tried to stop you from being human?” he asked.

“If only you could,” she sighed.  “If only you could stop all humans from being human.”

“You kill everything, including each other.”

“Fine.  I’ll bring the book tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to.  The weight between birds can’t be that different, and it’s the size that matters.”

“Are you guys coming over tonight?”

“We are.”

“Okay.  I’ll get some catnip mice on the way home.”

“The others will like that.”

“I love you,” she said, touching his face with hers.  “So much.”

“i know.”

“I’ll see you later,” she whispered, kissing his shoulder and neck

“You will,” he said, curling into a ball.  “Be careful crossing the street.”

She smiled, grabbed her CRAZY CAT LADY, tote bag, and walked away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“The dog down the block keeps following the mailperson.”

“To where?” she asked.

“His truck.  I think he wants to go home with him.  He’s a nice dog, but I don’t think he’s happy living where he is.”

“Did he say that?”

“More or less.”

“What does that mean?”

“He made me promise not to tell his family…where he goes.  I think there are too many kids and they’re driving him insane.”

“Kids can do that,” she sighed.  “Poor dog.”

“He keeps running away but he has tags, so people keep bring him back.  He slept with a homeless person the other night and said it was the happiest he’s been in a long time. It was quiet.”

“How terrible.”

“Yeah.  He asked if he could live with the cats but I don’t know if he would be happy here either.”

“Probably not.”

“His name is Gregory.  He hates that too.”

“Is there anything he does like?”

“He said he has a squeaky toy that looks like a banana, and he likes it very much.  He said one of the kids threw up in his bed and now it smells funny, so he sleeps under a table where they can’t reach him.”

“I feel really bad for him.  Maybe there’s something I can do to help him.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.  Take him for a walk.  Talk to him.  Give him hugs.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, why?”

“How would you feel if a stranger came to your house and said she wanted to take your dog for a walk?”

“You have a point,” she said.

“I know.”

“How are all the cats?”

“Fine.  No one is looking forward to the cold weather, so a lot of them are planning on staying with you.”

“Great.  I would love that.  The entire first floor apartment is yours.  That’s why I bought a two-flat.”

“Yeah.  Good thinking.  I like that idea better than your original one.”

“You mean a shelter?”

“Yes.  This is much better,” he said.  It’s a home.”

“I love you,” she mumbled, burying her face in his fur.

“Don’t start this again,” he said, leaning into her.

“I haven’t seen Jinx in awhile.”

“He’s staying with a snow white Persian named Suzie Bell.  She has blue eyes.  I don’t know what he sees in her, but he seems to like her a lot.”

“Suzie Bell?”

“I know, right?  What a name, especially for a Persian.  I think she’s a pure bred.  She’s not at all snobby, like some of them.  She’s actually kind of nice, and Jinx is still doing his job, it’s just that he’s…”

“Not hanging around with you as much, right?”

“I guess.”

“His relationships don’t usually last very long.”

“Always a first time,” he said.

“True.”

“You are beautiful,” she said, kissing him.

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know that too,” he said, head butting her face.

“Are you nice to Suzi Bell?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?  Jinx is my best friend and second in command.  We grew up together.”

“I’m going to kiss you a lot, right now.”  She grabbed him and made num-num noises all over him.

“Ack!” he hissed, struggling to get away.

She let him go with one big kiss and then smiled at him.  “Sometimes love can be annoying.”

“Ya think!”

She straightened his fur then packed her tote bag.

“See you tonight?”

“Probably.  Jinx and are going to patrol the park, down by the pond.  Some of the cats said there are kids there who are mean to them and to the fish.”

“Be careful.”

“Always.”

“Say hi to Jinx for me and tell him I’d like to meet Suzi.”

“It’s Suzi Bell.  She doesn’t like being called Suzi.”

“Got it,” she said, walking away.

“Look both ways when you cross the street,” he said.

She nodded and waved, knowing he was already curling into a ball getting ready for a nap.

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“The Queen died,” he said.

“Yes.  She did.”

“She had a long run.”

“Definitely.”

“She was a dog person.”

“No one’s perfect,” she said, smiling at him.

“I think I’m bigger than her dogs.  They have really short legs.”

“That’s true.”

“Who’s going to take care of them, now that she’s gone?”

“I’m sure there are a lot of people who will care for them.  Why?”

“No reason,” he said.  “They’ll probably miss her.”

“I’m sure they will.”

“Why do animals die so young?”

Her eyes immediately filled with tears.  “To torture people and to reward the animals for coming here to let us love them.”

“I guess that makes sense in some weird and twisted way.”

“It makes perfect sense.”

“We should have a Queen here.”

“That would be great.  A woman’s voice, heard for the very first time.”

“A Queen who loved cats,” he said.

“Of course.”

“Could we ride in the golden carriage?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Horses and cats get along great.”

“I know,” she said, giving him more treats.

“So, if she had horses pulling her carriage, they wouldn’t mind us riding along.”

“That’s true.”

“Think you can make that happen?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“We aren’t really a Queen country and men would never allow it.”

“Aren’t you even going to try?”

“I am not.”

“You give up before you even start,” he said.

“There’s no starting.  We don’t do royalty.”

“You can always start.”

“It’s too late for that.  Besides something bad is going to happen to the planet and it’s going to reset itself and then we won’t need any royalty or governments.  Not enough people will be left.”

“You’re a little ray of sunshine, aren’t you.  Will there be cats?”

“I’m sure there will be.  It’s going to be a great world and it couldn’t be great if cats weren’t there.”

“That’s true.  When is it going to happen?”

“I don’t know.  I think some of it has started, with the floods, food shortages, wars, etc.  But what’s coming is big.  Volcanoes, earthquakes and floods, all at the same time.”

“Maybe it won’t happen.”

“Maybe it won’t,” she agreed.  “Andromeda won’t merge with us for four and a half billion years, so that’s not a problem for awhile.”

“Are you coming back to see it happen?”

“Are you?”

“No idea,” he said.  “I like these treats.”

“They’re new.”

“You can get them again.”

“Thank you,” she snickered.

“The vet took one of the cats to the hospital.  She got into a fight and her ear was torn.  She was defending another cat.”

“She was brave.”

“She was.”

“Did she win?”

“Yes.”

“Who did she fight?”

“A dog.”

“Wow.”

“I know.  I’m sure he went to the vet as well.”

“Can I kiss you?” she asked.

“Do you have to?”

She nodded.

“Fine, just make it quick.”

She hugged him and kissed him all over his face and neck, before he shoved her away.

“Thank you.”

“I need a bath,” he grumbled, licking his shoulder.  “Why do you always have to do that?”

“Because if feels so good.”

“For you maybe.”

“Are you all coming over tonight?  It’s supposed to rain.”

“We’ll be there.”

“See you later, then,” she said, picking up her tote bag.  “I love you.”

“I know,” he said, biting his paw.  “You messed up my fur.”

She ran her hands over him a couple of times.  “Better.”

“I guess.”

“See you later.”

“Go already.  You see I’m busy?”

She laughed and said, “Say hi to Jinx for me.”

 

 

 

 

 

The Conversation…

Cat, Pet, Animal, Tabby Cat

“Do you know that dogs can hear their person coming home a mile away?”

“And?”

“Do you know that dogs listen to their person’s heartbeat and behave according to the mood of their person?

“So?”

“Do you know that dogs then change their own heartbeats to be in sync with their person’s?”

“Can you get to the point?” he sighed, closing his eyes.  “Are you trying to tell me dogs are stupid and needy, or just that cats don’t fawn over the people who who work for them?”

That’s what you got from what I said?”

“Yeah.  Dogs live for others.  They’re pathetic, selfless, always waiting and trying to please others.  Isn’t that what you were saying?  They have no sense of self.  It’s embarrassing, if you ask me.  I know they can’t help it, but still, they should try and have a little pride in their species.  They play with chickens and don’t even eat them.  Always helping and begging for pets.  It’s humiliating.”

“I don’t know why I bother,” she said, putting a plate of food in front of him.”

“Bother with what?  If you’re trying to turn me into a dog, give it up.  You’re a cat person, you should know we aren’t like dogs.”

“You do share some of the same traits.”

“Blasphemy,” said the cat, glaring at her.”

“It’s true whether you like it or not.”

“What’s wrong with you?  Been watching NOVA again?”

“No.  A program on animal behavior.”

“As if any of you know anything about us, or our inner feelings.  You talk about our whiskers, our paws, tails and abilities, but you don’t know us.  Knowing what we can do, isn’t knowing us.  Seeing how small a hole we can fit through has nothing to do with who we are.”

“You’re right.”

“How many people do you think would believe that you and I talk to each other.”

“Got it.”

“Sure, I would chase a chicken and probably eat it, or at least kill it, not in front of you, of course, but it’s what I do.  I’m the top predator on the planet, except for you guys.  I don’t need a gun or tank, arrows, or anything else to kill.  You can’t do anything by yourselves.  I’d like to see one of you go after a lion with nothing by your hands.  You do everything from far away, then brag about it.  Shameful.  Your species are cowards with egos.”

“So, how was your day?”

“Fine.  I napped, saw a couple of the Queens, visited the inside cat down the block, then took another nap.  How about you?”

“Worked, cleaned, shopped for cat food, and now I’m here.”

“Sad.”

“Yes.  No naps.”

“Sad,” he said again, eating treats.  “It’s getting dark earlier.”

“I know.”

“What is christmas?”

“It’s a story about three men who can’t find their way out of a paper bag, wandering around, on camels, looking for a woman who had a baby by herself, after riding on a donkey, running away from people who wanted to kill her because she was pregnant and not married.”

“That’s what you celebrate?”

“I don’t, but a lot of people do.”

“No cats in the story?”

“Not a single one.”

“Then what good is it?”

“It was just away for men to take over another pagan holiday, that’s all.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“You’re not alone.”

“What about thanksgiving?”

“A holiday of dead birds, dead native americans and pretty much a celebration of thieving, murder and greed.”

“Wow, you guys are evil.”

“No kidding,” she said.  “Do you want more food?”

“No, but a few more treats wouldn’t hurt.”

“Okay.”

“You know that plants poison each other, right?”

“Yes.”

“Trees aren’t always nice either,” he said.

“I know.”

“Everyone is fighting for survival.  This is a deadly place.”

“It is,” she said, petting him.

“Seems wrong.”

“To me too.”

“It could be nice here, but it never will be.”

“I know.”

“Too bad.”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to take a nap now.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

She kissed his face and ran her hands down his side.  “So much.”

“I know.”

“See you tonight?”

“Mmmmhnn,” he muttered, as his eyes closed and his purrs grew louder.

“Sweet dreams,” she whispered, as she picked up her tote bag and tip-toed away.

 

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