Santa heading back to the North Pole…

Photo: Yra Forrat
Pexels

Santa…a poem about Christmas

Santa
came to America
and found that
the streets weren’t paved
with gold
they were covered
with corruption
greed
and homeless people
blood
and racism
poverty
violence
sexism
and hatred
the haves
and the have nots
someone hit him
took his
boots
his red suit
and his hat
he was cold
his stomach rumbled
hunger and thirst
made him tired
he had no cookies
or reindeer
no sleigh
he thought about the presents
he left for the children
useless things
when what they needed
was safety
health care
FOOD
shelter
clothing
education
protection
and he wept
for he had none of those things
to give
but after sitting in an alley
next to a sleeping man
he realized
that he could do something
he could take
instead of giving
he could
become a new
Robin Hood
taking from the rich
and giving to the poor
he could leave coal
at the homes of those
in the government
he could change
CHRISTMAS
yes, yes
he could do that
he could make America
a better place
but first
he needed
to find his way home

 

Photo:  Donald Teel
Unsplash

AND THE WINNER OF THE 2021 SANTA CONTEST IS…CHICKLET MARIE.

Chicklet Marie really wanted to be Santa this year, so she read up on how Santa looked, and what he did.  So when the time came, she was ready.  It was a unanimous vote.  Every one thinks she’s perfect.

Chicklet Marie is very happy and so is everyone else at The Coop.

Twenty things you may not know about Santa…

1.  He’s only Santa for one month a year.
2.  He’s Winter Fey.
3. He’s tough and dangerous, not at all like the jolly man you think he is.
4. He’s a biker and spends most of his time riding. He loves going to Sturgis.
5. He doesn’t like kids.  He thinks they’re sticky and smell bad.
6. He has a long arrest record, for breaking and entering.
7. Mrs. Clause lives in Florida and goes by the name of Louise Fisher.  He never visits her.  Ms Fisher has a live-in pool boy and a flamingo named Sally.
8. He never once said Ho Ho Ho.
9.  He hangs out with other tough and dangerous guys, and rides with the Wild Hunt.
10. He loves cats and is allergic to reindeer.
11. He’s against cutting down live trees for any reason.
12. He loves mac and cheese, ginger snaps, and snowballs, with lots of powder sugar.
13. He reads.
14. He loves hot chocolate laced with peppermint…as well as other things, but hates marshmallows.
15. He knows all the old Gods.  They get together once a month to discuss…us.
16. He has two brothers and three sisters.
17. He’s burned out and tired of being Santa.
18. His dream is to be on the British Baking Show, as a judge.
19. He enjoys playing racquet ball.
20. He likes elves because they are hard workers, they know how to follow orders, and they’re usually happy.

Naturally, there are more things, but these are the most important things you might want to know.

 

 

 

 

Picture:  Pixabay

 

It’s that time of year…

Photo:  hur12photography
Unsplash

Randolph as Santa for the school play…

Randolph is going to be Santa in his school’s play.  He wanted to be a snow person, but three other kids picked the snow people’s costumes before he did, so he’s Santa.  He said the beard itches and he doesn’t like the hat.  He’s thinking of catching a cold, so he doesn’t have to be in the play at all.  His teacher said, “Break a leg,” and he thought that was also an option, but it might hurt and he wouldn’t be able to play outside.

In the end, he simply handed in his resignation, signed, sealed and notarized by the kid next door.  He gave it to his teacher and told her that she wasn’t his commander and he wasn’t in the air force, and he absolutely refused to be in the stupid play.

She burst out laughing and accepted his resignation.  He said he’d be happy to be in Stage Crew, as long as he didn’t have to wear a costume and make a fool of himself in front of an audience.  She agreed and said he should become a lawyer.  He told her that’s all he ever wanted to be, besides a dragon, of course.

Sally is going to be Santa.  She’s excited about it and now everyone is happy.  Well, except for Billy who wanted to be a tree but ended up being the moon.  Not everyone wins.

The problem…with Santa

Did you get the Reindeer Newsletter?  The one that talks about the Reindeer Strike?  Seems Santa started hanging around with some unsavory elves, making bad decisions.  Ms. Claus was so disgusted she left, leaving everyone without cookies, hot chocolate and treats.  You can imagine how well that went over.  She said she was tired of baking and taking care of Santa (his real name is Bob, by the way).  She grew weary of keeping his red suit in shape and making sure he checked the naughty and nice lists, which she sometimes changed, after doing a bit of research.   Santa had gotten lazy and just followed the list, never looking for errors, which meant that sometimes the wrong kids did, or did not. receive gifts.

She told him she was leaving, but he didn’t believe her.  Well, he did, once he realized she was gone.  She let the reindeer know where she was going, in case they needed her, but they remained silent when asked where she was.  That’s when they decided to go on strike.  They didn’t want shorter hours, since they only worked one night a year, and their food was great, as were their accommodations.  It’s just that Santa had stopped spending time with them.  He no longer came to the barn for chats.  He didn’t brush them or tell them they were beautiful.  He left that up to others.  He was neglecting them in too ways that mattered.

The worker elves tried to talk to him but he struck a pose and let his attitude show.  His smoking and drinking had become the norm.  He no longer checked the toys and his smelly, smoke filled, jacket and hat, made Dancer sneeze and rub his nose against the sides of his spacious stall.

When the reindeer told Santa they wouldn’t pull the sleigh, unless he cleaned up his act, he told them he would just skip Christmas this year.  He said he would find new reindeer for next year.  The reindeer and elves were shocked.  And just where did he think he would find more flying reindeer?

Prancer called Ms. Claus and told her what Santa said.  She didn’t seem surprised.  They talked for a long time and came up with a plan.  Prancer talked to the others and they agreed that it was an excellent plan, so they left the barn and took to the sky.

This year, the reindeer will be pulling a new vehicle, driven by Ms. Claus.  The lists will be correct and the bullies won’t even get coal.  Everything in life changes…even Santa.

 

Photo:  hue 12 Photography
Unsplash

Bad Santa – Georgiann Carlson — Brave & Reckless

Quote

people think I’m a BAD Santa
you try living with a bunch of elves
all year long
and cookies
I’m so sick of cookies
and the whole house smelling
like a bakery
and what about the isolation
everywhere I look there’s nothing
but SNOW
and more SNOW
it’s freezing cold
and look at my clothes
I just want to lay around
in a pair of jeans
and a t-shirt
the reindeer aren’t a problem
I hang out in the barn a lot
it doesn’t smell like cookies in the barn
it smells like hay
I don’t have any neighbors
I mean
who would want to live here?
my wife hates the cold
misses the city
her friends
the cafe life
I can see it in her eyes
I don’t think she’s going to kill me
in my sleep
but she might leave me
she hates baking too
and all those bloody chimneys
one after the other
and the kids leave me more cookies
I hate that some kids get more than others
that some kids don’t get anything at all
I’m thinking of quitting
retiring
if you will
calling off Christmas
or putting an ad in the paper
hoping some idiot will be dumb enough
to answer
then I can take my wife to a sandy beach
where we can lay down and get tan
we look like ghosts
who never saw the sun
which is pretty much true
and I despise candy canes
just so you know
well
I have some drinking to do
so call me whatever you like
just remember the old saying about
walking in someone else’s shoes

via Bad Santa – Georgiann Carlson — Brave & Reckless

In a stunning upset, all those who wanted to be Santa, decided that they’d rather do something else. Max happened to be walking by and was immediately elected to be Santa. He said okay but the ribbon had to go after the picture. He’s purrrfect for the job.

Image

The Finalists in the Santa contest…here’s how it works…

Since there is no competition at The Coop, those who remain in the, “Want to be Santa,” group will now sit around and discuss who will do it, over hot chocolate and cookies.  Usually it begins by someone saying that they’d rather do something else, or they think one of the others would be better for the job, until only one is left.  Everyone wants everyone else to be happy.  There’s so much to do, no one thinks about one thing being more important than another.  Two turkeys dropped out earlier because they wanted to work on Stage Crew and a horse said he’d rather give the guests rides around the Rubber Duck Pond.  That happened until the six above were the only ones left.  The Piglet said he’s thinking of working in the hospital so, more than likely, he’s going to bow out.  The rabbit, is thinking about doing a tumbling act with his brothers, so he’s not sure about being Santa either.  Linnie, just wanted to wear a pretty dress, so she doesn’t care at all and that just leaves the two dogs and Twigs, the chicklet.  The smaller dog, Woof-woof, thinks he may be a bit too small…so that leaves two.  We’ll just have to wait and see ends up being the ONE.