I’m here to talk about the pulling of Santa’s sleigh. (grumbling in the background) I am speaking for the others, having been elected as spokesdeer for the herd. (nodding of heads)
Once a year reindeer fly for a night, and pull a fat man in a red suit around the world, so he can deliver toys and things to human children. You guys used to live in caves, now you believe in flying reindeer and Santa. Think about that. You call it imagination, I call it…well, never mind what I call it, it’s just that if you can imagine that kind of thing, why can’t you imagine a way to stop CUTTING DOWN TREES? (LOUD grumbling in the background)
Sorry, I didn’t mean to YELL! (laughter behind him). So, while reindeer can definitely dance and prance, we think it’s far from politically correct to use those attributes as names. Comet? Cupid? What’s a Donner or Blitzen? Isn’t Blitzen a food product? (laughter) Hold on a second……(mumbling)
Okay, I was thinking of a blintz, or a crepe, but either way, I don’t know what a blitzen is, do you? The point is, you all think its a great gig to pull a heavy sleigh through the freezing cold night, just to give human beings stuff. (nodding of heads). It’s not. The sleigh weighs a ton and Santa weighs a ton too. It’s hard work pulling all that weight while flying through air that’s far below zero. Our herd is against reindeer sleigh pulling, and flying for fun is one thing, to fly strapped to a sleigh, is something else entirely.
Why couldn’t you make up a story about a FLYING SLEIGH, and give the reindeer a break? Why don’t you guys fly around and pull the sleigh with a reindeer in it? Sure, you never thought of THAT, did you. Humans NEVER think of those things.
And you know why the reindeer fly so high? Because you shoot at them, if they fly lower to the ground. You try to kill the reindeer who are working hard to give stuff to you.
My herd and I were on the Sant’s reindeer recruitment list. We crossed off our numbers and fled. No amount of cookies or carrots, warm stalls or recognition, would be enough for us to join up. (vigorous head nodding)
Vixen tried to resign, but the elves found her and brought her back. We are going to liberate her, the day after Christmas. The reindeer are being closely watched at the moment, to make sure no one escapes.
I just thought you might want to know what it’s like from this side of the sleigh. (grumbling in agreement)