
“It’s an in-between day,” she said. “Not quite winter, but not the end of fall either. It’s raw, cold and dark…as if Mother Nature can’t make up Her mind which season she wants to give us.”
He squeezed her hand. “Do you love me?”
“Sure.”
“How do you know?”
“Long answer?” she asked.
“Okay,” .
“Love can’t really be explained,” she said. “We don’t have the words to say what it’s like. It’s the same as death. If someone you love dies, there are no words to describe the true ripping out of your heart. When people say their lives are never the same, they mean it. Love’s just like that. There are no index cards in our brain’s library that have answer to those kinds of things. And no one knows what you’re talking about if you try and tell them, since love feels different to each of us. Words can’t express what we feel, unless it’s superficial. Love makes the world come alive, it alters our perception. It rewrites the world in which we exist. Love and death change everything.”
“Life is complicated,” he said, sighing loudly. “It can be really good, or really bad.”
“True but you can fight life and win.”
“Seriously?” he laughed. “How?”
“By standing up to it.”
“And how, exactly, does one stand up to life? Life isn’t a physical thing. Life is like air.”
“You stand up to it the way you’d stand up to any bully. You punch it in the face and never back down. You keep going and never show fear, or….”
“Life can kill you,” he said.
“So? That’s not the worse thing it can do. Isn’t it worse to just bow down and accept the stuff that it throws at you?”
“At least you’d be alive.”
“But wouldn’t you hate yourself for being a coward?”
“Uh, honestly? I’d probably be happy just to be alive,” he said. “Not too worried about the other stuff. And do you believe that life is out to get us? Do you think it has intent and is looking for a fight?”
“That’s not the point,” she said.
“I think it is. Things just happen. It’s not as if life is keeping score and handing out detention slips.”
“Do you know that for a fact?” she asked.
“Are there any facts?”
“No, there are not,” she said, looking at him. “I think we should break up.”
“What? Why?”
“This us as a couple thing, isn’t working for me.”
“It was working for you an hour ago.”
“That was then.”
“Do you want to think about it?”
“No, but thank you.”
“Is it because I don’t want to fight life?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Can we still be friends?” he asked.
“I don’t see why not,” she said.
“Seems weird. I kind of planned my entire future around you.”
“Something shifted and I see you, and I see me. I do not see us. I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’m actually heartbroken, but don’t feel bad.”
She laughed, and punched him.
“Want to go to home?” he asked.
“Okay. Just keep in mind that we’re not a couple anymore.”
“Right,” he said. “Pizza?”
“I’ll call ahead.”
“So to clarify this situation,” he said, “just to be clear. Basically nothing in our relationship has changed, except that we aren’t a couple?”
“Yes. Did you want to change anything else?”
He just laughed and put his arm around her. “Not a single thing,” he said.
“Let’s watch Elf while we eat, okay?”
“Sure,” he said. “I love it when he jumps on the tree.”
“I guess I’ll be looking for an apartment tomorrow.”
“No rush,” he said, kissing her nose. “Take your time.”
“Thanks.”
“Not a problem. You might as well stay until Christmas is over.”
“It’s only a few days away. And I can start looking things up on line.”
“I think there’s an apartment for rent in my building.”
“Too close.”
“Can’t hurt to look at it.”
“I guess,” she said. “I think you’re just trying to keep me.”
“You’re as free as a bird,” he said, kissing her, again. “No strings.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Do you want pineapple on your pizza?” he asked.
“Do pigs fly?”
“Only at night, when no one is looking.”
“Well,” she said, “in that case, yes.”
Photo: Brad Fickelen
Unsplash
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Written
on March 1, 2022