“Best pizza I’ve ever had,” she said, reaching for another piece.
“Eat as much as you like, there’s more where that came from.”
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Call me, Ted,” he said.
“Is that your name?”
“No. My name would hurt your ears.”
“Sure it would,” she said, tearing the crust off another slice of pizza. “Great crust. It’s perfect.”
“It would be. I know what you like, duh!”
“Did you just say DUH?”
“Yes, Page, I just said Duh.”
“What’s happening to you Ted? Am I rubbing off on you? You’re not as angelic as you were when this all started.”
“I’m not?” he asked, siting up straighter. Mrs. Roosevelt hissed and unsheathed her claws in an extremely threatening manner. He looked at her and growled. Mrs. Roosevelt fluffed up, spit at him, then slashed him across the cheek.
“You didn’t think you would win that one, did you?”
“She’s a CAT. Cats always win. Don’t even think about growling at her again.”
He looked at Mrs. Roosevelt and said, “Sorry.” She accepted his apology, jumped off of his lap and went into the kitchen to see if the food she was given met with her gourmet-like standards.”
“You know people from New York do this with their pizza,” she said, folding a slice in half. “Madness, if you ask me. You fold laundry, not pizza. So tell me about my brother Steve.”
“Where does he live?”
“He must be, what? Eight years older than I am?”
“No, he’s not that much older than I am, or no in general?”
“Do you watch me sleep?”
“Rarely. A lot of what I do is really boring.”
“I can only imagine.”
“I don’t think you can.”
“What are you made out of?”
“What?” he asked, smiling. “What am I made out of?”
“It’s a fair question. I mean I’m flesh and bones and muscles, and icky, slimy, stuff inside. I have a heart, a brain and a liver. I can tear, break and get sick. My cells get old and don’t replicate like they used to, which goes to disprove the stupid, IF YOU DON’T USE IT YOU LOSE IT, garbage people always say. But you aren’t made of any of that, are you?”
“What if we took an X-ray of your body? What would show up? OMG Are you like like a vampire and you won’t show up on pictures?” she asked, excitedly, pulling out her phone, taking a picture of him.
“Vampire? Really?” he sighed.
“Why not? You could be anything at all. Oh, the picture turned out great,” she said, staring at it. “Maybe I’m dreaming this whole thing, or maybe I had a bad lettuce leaf at lunch and now I have some kind of brain-lettuce thing going on. Are you an AI?”
“You’re not very forthcoming.”
“You’re kidding,” he said. “Guarding Angels NEVER SHOW THEMSELVES TO THE ONE THEY GURAD.”
“Obviously that’s no long true and did you mean to yell?”
“Then why did you?”
He stared at her and then looked down. He sighed, put his arms on the back of the couch, then he leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. Then he sat up again.
“Take you’re time. Unless, of course, my time is up, then you’ll need to get to the point as quickly as possible.”
“You’re time is not up.”
“Good to know. So? What’s your problem?”
He shoved a cookie into his mouth.
“You have my permission to talk with your mouth full, Ted,” she snickered. “You’ll feel a lot better if you just say whatever you have to say and get it over with. It’s not good to keep it all whatever it is, scrunched up inside, no matter what you’re made out of.”
“Fine,” he said, standing up. “Fine,” he said again, and sat down. “I want to be human, so that I can be with you until we both die.”
“Rooowrr,” said Mrs. Roosevelt, from the kitchen.
“Can you do that?”
“Do what,” he asked, looking deflated.
“Become human and stay with me until we both die?”
“Oh, that. Well, it would change everything. I mean if we were together, it would deviate from the path you’re supposed to be on and who knows where that would lead. As for me, yes, I could do it, but I don’t know anything about being human. I mean we watch all of you, but that’s not the same thing as being you. We don’t experience pain, we’re never hungry or thirsty, you know, all those human things you know about. I mean you’d have to teach me everything and…why are you smiling?”
“No reason,” she said, grinning. “Go on, what were you saying?”
“I’d have to get a JOB!” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t have a birth certificate. I don’t know how to drive. I would be able to bleed and die.”
“I don’t see a problem.”
He sputtered, closed his eyes and leaned back. “She doesn’t see a problem,” he said, to no one in particular. “All of those things are problems.”
“It just seems that way to you. I can teach you most of those things and we can forge any papers you may need. You can get a modeling job, I have a friend who would LOVE to put you on the cover of her magazine and all the things you mentioned are merely details. But why would you want to become human? You can live forever. Nothing can happen to you. You’re never in danger, never sick. That’s a lot to give up.”
“I love you.”
“Why? You could do a lot better than me.”
He smiled. “I’ve been in love with you for a very long time.”
“What if you don’t love me when you’re human?”
“Show me what kissing is like,” he asked, walking over to her chair.
“I,” she said, giving him her hand.
“I want to learn everything,” he whispered. “Everything.”
“Oh, boy,” she muttered. “How do you become human? If you’re not human, you might not even feel the kiss.”
“Just like in the fairy tales,” he said. “It’s the kiss that does it.”
She put her arms around him, leaned in, then put her lips against his…and just like that…with a very heavy sigh, her new life’s path began.
Finally. The End.