We make our world violent in many ways but one of the big ways is how we raise boys. What we teach them and expect from them. We expect boys not to cry, not to be weak (whatever your definition of weak is) and not to be able to communicate in any deep and meaningful way. Partly it’s their brains, and I’m not forgetting that part. We teach them to be defensive, competitive and to see threats pretty much everywhere.
From an early age we teach boys to be tough. While we teach girls to be idiots, weak, helpless and fluffy. It doesn’t always take, of course, but that’s the general pink Barbie, Pink Pony idea, while girls dress in tutu’s and princess dresses from Disney. When they are dancing down the aisles at Target, in their fancy skirts and tiaras, all the other women stop and tell them how BEAUTIFUL they are and they twirl and smile and some hide behind their mother’s who are smiling and happy that their daughter is getting a COMPLIMENT. Because Beauty is the same as Violent. Both are what each gender is expected to become.
Anyway, we dress boys in camouflage, give them tanks, guns, hulking wrestler action figures, along with Bat, Spider and Superman. We give them fast cool toy cars and dark, menacing games. We give them violent video games where killing is the only way to win.
We give them movies that are filled with violence and death, not that we don’t all love them and rush to see them ourselves. We give them the image of saving loved ones, protecting the females in their lives and getting medals for killing the loved ones of others in war after war after war. We cover their caskets with flags, which usually end up in their mothers’ arms, where they once held the boys who are now in their coffins. That’s if their bodies were ever found. Are there still American soldiers who were prisoners living in Viet Nam?
We teach boys to be aggressive, to take what they want. We teach them that violence is the way to solve problems and they can read the bumperstickers that say: MY DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD, or MY KID CAN BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT.
Talking rarely comes first and when it does it can cause even more aggression, since some males often misinterpret, or just ignore, what’s being said. For example, “No means no.”
War movies make war look like a brotherhood, where a few guys die and the rest go on to save their country and the world. Heroes every one. The films don’t tell the truth about any of it. No one tells the truth. They don’t show the damaged men, the dead one’s. They don’t, as Alan Alda said, record the SCREAMING.
Our culture doesn’t want boys, who like to read, who are kind and interesting. They want bullies, tough guys, aggressive and violent boys who will be willing to die for oil and to make the rich guys richer. Some boys are taught to hunt and kill, for FUN. I’m sure some girls are taught the same thing. But boys are denied their feelings and expected to turn them into aggression.
Is the strong, powerful, man who can beat and kill someone the kind of man we want to keep making? We’re so used to that kind of man being the hero, it’s no wonder boys want to be just like the overly muscled guys we see on the screen today. Those are the guys no one messes with, or they mess with them at their own peril. Most of us want to be strong enough to be left alone because that’s the kind of world we have made. That’s the kind of world we live in. “Suck it up,” means shut yourself down and be a man. Men are expected to ignore their feelings and just be strong.
Meanwhile, while guys are pumping iron and fighting, women are being strong enough to try and survive in their world. A world of brutality and war. A world of hatred, beatings and constant killing of every living thing. A world of greed and power. And I know you are saying that not all men are like that. I’m not making a sweeping generalization, I’m telling you that our world is violent and wars are now never ending. That bullies are causing kids to kill themselves and boys are still being taught to be strong and violent. Girls are still looked at as prey and weak, even though we are tough and strong.
What we teach our children are lies. We don’t give them choices, we indoctrinate and brainwash them into becoming what our society wants them to become. It was done to us.
No one knows what WE CAN BE, because we are molded into what society wants us to be and then we wonder why people are miserable, killing themselves and the world is a violent place. We are forced into roles we are unsuited for. We are expected to kill our true selves and become what the people in charge want us to become. We aren’t these things. We have been taught to believe that we are, but we are not.
We have no idea what we could have been, if released from the training and honing of our genders by our society. We are what we were made to be. That’s not freedom, that manufacturing. If you step out of line, you’re punished. That’s how it works. That’s what all the closed closet doors and weeping people pay for being forced into molds that are too tight. People hide because they are told their true and real self is UNACCEPTABLE to the outside world that is fake and cruel. That’s how strict the rules are.
We are dangerously mad. Power has corrupted anything we could have become. Male voices are the only ones heard. Diversity is not welcomed, but stepped on and ground into the sidewalks. Power and greed are all that matter and NO ONE is safe.
And it never stops, it’s just better armed. The police have become the military and the people are the enemy. Lies have become all we hear and truth is buried and lost. Violence against other people, as well as the people here, just keeps keeping on. Kids are killing each other, but that’s okay, if they aren’t the kids of the people in charge.
We’re doing it all wrong. Men’s brains, and hormones, make them volatile, yet we continue to let them make the decisions for all of us. Our children are sent to other countries where they kill innocent women, babies, and older people. They rape women of all ages and cheer each other on. OUR KIDS, you know, the babies we had and nurtured and helped tun into those guys? Is that what you wanted for them? Do you want someone else’s kids to come here and do the same thing, when like them, we don’t even know what’s going on?
In world war I there was a truce for the holidays and both sides started talking and playing soccer together. They ate together and showed each other pictures of their families. After the truce they didn’t want to fight or kill each other, because they had become friends and had a lot in common. The American in charged told his men that if they didn’t start killing the other guys he would open fire and kill his own men until they did. Now that is what we’re up against. Those are our boys and now girls, in that kind of world.
In Viet Nam, our guys killed their superiors, who kept wanting them to go into situations where they knew they would be killed. THAT’S WHAT WE TEACH BOYS. And then everyone’s surprised when they come home and live alone in the woods for the rest of their lives, or end up on the street because they can no longer function in the society that sent them away in the first place.
Soldiers commit suicide on a regular basis BECAUSE KILLING PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, OR CONSTANTLY BEING UNDER THE THREAT OF DEATH is not healthy for human beings. When we climbed out of the ooze was it really for this?
Well, nothing’s going to change. Not as long as there’s only one droning, insane, unhinged voice. And millions of people will continue raising their children the same way, so they make sure nothing changes. Kids will be fed the lies their parents believe and boys will be trained to fight and girls will be trained to wear pointy shoes and be beautiful. Because what else can parents do? If they don’t follow the herd, their kids will be bullied, beaten and friendless. Maybe even killed. I mean guys are wearing pointy sheets on their heads, if that’s not nuts, I don’t know what is.
Violence is a complete destructive circle and we keep drawing it and feeding it by throwing our kids into it’s center.