Okay, so…

Life should come with a manual that is given to each of us at birth.  Like all manuals, we might not look at all the pages, after all, there are only so many hours in a day, right?  The problem is that there’s no one who could write it. Any author would simply write her/his own world view, experiences and prejudices.  Certain things are true, however, and while the manual might have to be revised in the future, some things remain relatively the stable.

 YOU WILL DIE

You will die unless someone finds a way to keep you alive and then you may want to die but not be allowed to die because the state will be able to make money from keeping you alive.   If there is a breakthrough discovery it’s probable that only the rich and elite will have access to it because the wealthy would certainly pick and choose who would live and who would not, just like they always have.  Until that day arrives, however, you are on a downward trajectory toward death and it’s all your parents fault for having you in the first place.  Either way, stop sitting around and start doing things so you can fit as much into the limited time you have left.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR YOUR ACTIONS

No one can make you do anything unless they are holding a gun to your head and even then you still have choices. It’s harder if they are holding a gun to the head of someone you love but that’s another story.  You can do anything you want in life as long as you have the guts to deal with the fallout, guilt and other garbage that your parents, your culture and the status quo will want to dump on you so that they can control every waking moment of your life.   Be strong. Don’t whine. If you make the wrong decision it’s your own fault, just suck it up and do something different right now.

YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE GETTING INTO WHEN THEY HAD YOU

Believe it.  They may not even have known they WERE going to have you at the time.  Either way, they couldn’t have predicted how things would turn out and their brains were busy being drowned by hormones so they weren’t actually thinking clearly even if they THOUGHT they were because brains do what they want to do and we just do what or brains tell us to do but we pretend that we know what we’re doing even when we don’t so try to be ready for that (definitely a run-on).  You were a surprise and you probably always will be.  Your parents may love you but that doesn’t mean they have a clue as to what they’re doing and they’re probably tired so give them a break.  When you were born they might have had all kinds of fantasies about who you were and what having a baby would be like.  Chances were they were wrong on all counts.  It’s not their fault…remember that when you’re thinking about running away.  You will BE them one day, even if that is impossible for you to believe.

THERE WILL BE CATS, DOGS, BIRDS, FISH AND EVEN ANTS THAT YOU WILL LIKE BETTER THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE

Don’t be alarmed if you like other species more than you do your own.  Don’t talk about it with your parents or teachers though because they may have forgotten that stage of their lives and if they have they will look at you funny and ask why you are pushing a cat, dressed up in doll clothes, in a baby buggy and that, my dear child, is a very bad thing, especially if you’re a boy.

GENDER DOES MATTER

In sexist cultures girls are worth less than boys because girls are better at everything and boys are afraid of them and boys have upper body strength which apparently makes them earn a lot more than women who are doing the same job.  Yes, that IS impossible to understand.  Still, this situation will not change until a comet hits the earth and we begin again with women ruling the world.  When that happens, it will be okay for boys to push cats dressed in doll clothes in buggies.  That will probably take time, however, unless there are more than three or four people left standing, so be patient.  Meanwhile, if you’re a girl take self- defense classes and fight back.  Start your own company and put the boys out of business.  They may try to kill you, that’s why you’ll need the self-defense lessons.  Violence is what happens to women when they try to be other than what society wants them to be.  Actually, violence against women is the norm so always be ready to defend yourself.

SPORTS

A bunch of people run around on some kind of field where they kick, throw and hit balls. They feel they are doing something wonderful because other people scream while they are doing it.  There are those who punch each other in the face and make a lot of money for doing that.  Eventually, you may be forced to participate in these events, so think up good excuses to get out of them when you’re young. Fein weak ankles or a sore wrist.  Wear a tear away cast on your leg, do what you have to do but plan ahead, if you decide that you aren’t into that kind of thing.  Sports can be fun but think about whether or not you want to dedicate your time and your life to hitting a ball, or someone else.

SCHOOL

School is a place where state sanctioned adults will brainwash and condition you to be part of the herd.  You will learn that the dates of all the wars are important and you will learn where flax comes from.  Neither of those things will help you during your lifetime but schools are not there to help you, they are there to mold you into a sheep.  So wear ear plugs and READ all the time.  Read books that you WANT to read, not the horrific and boring books they make you read so that you will DESPISE reading and never pick up another book once you escape from their hateful clutches.  Ignore what they say, unless it’s of personal interest or you can tell your teacher that he has the wrong information because you have already read 53 books on the honey bee and they do not, in fact, live in small cottages in Venice and knit tea cozies.  Well some might, but you know what I mean.  Be brave, always fight back, stand your ground and recognize what they are trying to do to you.  Your parents will be very upset with you but that’s because a lot of them were turned into sheep at a young age and they want you to get into good schools that will cost them a fortune so that when you get out you won’t be able to get a job unless you know someone and by then your degree will be outdated and besides, you have absolutely no experience doing anything because you’ve been wasting your time drinking beer and not going to classes.  Just learn what you want to learn and pretend to pay attention.  Get through it so your parents don’t threaten you with military school, or lock you in your room (if you have windows that lead to a roof or a tree you’re still okay).  Don’t let them make you a walking zombie.  Seriously.  Don’t.

YOUR PARENTS DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE LIKE AT YOUR AGE NO MATTER WHAT YOUR AGE IS  (but you can ask your grandparents to tell you what they did)

The world was different in their day so go with it and ride it out until you’re of age and hopefully you’ll be able to move out and do what you want and not end up living in their basement because there are no jobs for college grads with degrees in Greek Literature with a minor in Psych.  And no you cannot get married and bring your wife and three kids to live in their basement either.  Grow up and get out on your own.  Do whatever you have to do to make that happen but LEAVE YOUR PARENTS ALONE.

THERE WILL COME A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU’LL WANT A DOG DON’T LIE JUST TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANT A DOG BUT THAT THERE’S A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOU’LL NEVER WALK IT OR FEED IT OR GIVE IT WATER OR EVEN LOOK AT IT…THAT WAY THEY CAN’T YELL AT YOU FOR BREAKING YOUR PROMISES

This one is self explanatory.

LOVE

a.  it should make you happy
b.  if you’re in counseling before you are even together you’re with the WRONG PERSON
c.  it should be fun
d  you’ll know the right person when you meet that person
e.  NEVER SETTLE
f  YOU are the only person who knows who the right person is, not your parents, family, friends, priests, no one but you.  Although, if they are hysterical you might want to hear what they have to say.  You can still do whatever you want to do so where’s the harm?
g  love has to do with trust.  Break it and it’s over.  You really can’t fix trust once it’s broken, not really, not ever.  You can only pretend.
h  put each other first
i   be POLITE.
j   talk
k  listen
l  never be too busy for each other
m put your relationship first
n  be silly
o  think about what you’re teaching your kids about love

So kid…this is just the first chapter.  It doesn’t deal with broken hearts, candy, elephants or anything else.  That stuff is all in Chapter Two.

Advice:  Always have fun

 

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