Mom…not a happy tale

My mom was sweet, accommodating, generous, loving, kind and beautiful. She was extremely artistic, loved all animals and had fun playing with the mice and whatever else I brought home from school or found on the street.  She kept things spic and span and was an incredible cook/baker.  She loved to sing, dance and laugh.  I just wish she would have had a better life.  Her childhood was difficult and my father cheated on her all the time.  He didn’t care that she knew about the other women.  He broke her heart.  I saw it.  What parents do to each other teaches their children the real lessons they learn and believe me, I learned really well. I’ll never understand why she loved him and she did, right up to the night she died and he left her alone to go out with someone else, yet again.  I couldn’t stand the sight of my father.  As a child I felt that if my mom wasn’t smart enough to hate him I was, even though he never did anything to me directly.   She loved him but I didn’t have to and I never did.   My dad told my mom that he didn’t give her Mother’s Day presents because she wasn’t his mother.  He didn’t give his mother anything that I ever saw either.  The only time my mom got presents was when he was buying something for another woman and picked something up for her as well.  He bought her a watch and she turned to me and said, “I wonder what the other one got.”

See here’s the thing.  My mom took it…she took what he did to her and she never fought back.  That made me who I am…the kind of person who won’t take anything.   That’s what she taught me…not to be like that part of her…ever.


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7 Responses to Mom…not a happy tale

  1. Heartafire says:

    It’s so sad when a woman (or sometimes a man) can’t break the cycle of abuse…I’m glad you did!

    • I kept asking her why she didn’t make him go away (I was little and thought she could just do that). She just said she loved him and I always asked her why but she would just shrug and never answer me. She never did answered me and I asked a lot. When she was dying she said, “I love your father,” and I said, “I’ll never understand why .” She just smiled at me and quietly left the earth. Unfortunately, some kids who grow up in homes like that think that’s what love IS. I knew that’s what it WASN’T right away.

      • Heartafire says:

        My Mom died when I was eight, I lived with my grandparents a lot of the time. My father was detached. My grandparents were wonderful. I was so fortunate to have them! They are all gone now…my dad too. But when I think of parents, I think of my grandparents. There’s so many divorces now, so many confused children not knowing why their parents are not together or living in chaos with parents who choose to stay together…what is the answer! No woman should stay with a man who abuses her though, no man either.

  2. I’m so sorry about your mom. You are fortunate to have had wonderful grandparents, no question about it. My maternal grandmother was the light of my life. We were both lucky to have them. ❤ A lot of fathers are detached. My husband wasn't. He adored the kids, he was amazing and wonderful. I don't know anyone else like him. We all grow up in families that make us who we are whether we admit it or not. LOL And you're right, things are far different today. One of my granddaughter's friends told her that her mother was trying to make out with her boyfriend! OMG when did we get to that point? My nephew once told me that he couldn't bring his girlfriends to his dad's house because he would steal them and he was right, he would have. Sigh. No one should stay in an abusive situation but some people don't know how to escape and others think it's what they deserve or better than nothing. It's complicated. Some kids like the new families members only to have them disappear in yet another divorce. It has to be hard and it's making kids different than they were in the past…when people "stayed together for the children," and hated each other. No right answers. Just a lot of situations today. I'm glad you had a good childhood in spite of what happened. Grandparents can be angels on earth, no doubt about it.

  3. Resa says:

    I loved my mom, desperately. I never understood why she never had the spine to leave my step dad. He broke her arm, and broke her heart.

    • OMG…broke her arm! How awful. I don’t understand either. My dad never hit anyone and WE ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL LUCKY because of that. How insane is it, to be happy not to be beaten??????? Something is really wrong. I’m sorry you had to live through all of that. Sorry for your mom as well.

  4. mariaholm says:

    What a testimony of your mother’s character ! I wonder what it did to your opinion on men

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