I didn’t turn out the way my mother wanted me to. I was me right from the start. I learned a LOT from her. I learned how I didn’t want to be treated and I learned how to love beautiful things. My mom was a great person but she never fought back. Her mother was magic and so I learned about magic from her. She was a huge influence in my life and she was a truly amazing woman. My grandmother had a hard life but she laughed a lot and I adored her. We had a lot in common because part of her always remained a little kid. We read comics together and sang and had chocolate sodas. She was fun and amazing. But no matter what I learned from any of them…I was always me. I did exactly what I wanted to do, much to my mother’s chagrin. See, my mom was nice. My mom was kind. My mom was loving. My mom was giving and generous. My mom was sweet. I found out that those things didn’t get you anything but misery. People took advantage of her. My dad cheated on her constantly. She couldn’t change her nature, or she didn’t want to. As I got older I told her to stop taking all the garbage everyone dumped on her. She said that she knew what was happening, but it was easier to just go along. I told her she never got what she wanted because she never stood up to anyone. She smiled at me. Well, I knew I didn’t want to be like her. I COULDN’T be like she was. I’m so not that person. When I was eight I told her to get rid of my father but she said she loved him. When she was dying, she said the same thing and I asked her why. She smiled at me again. I’m sure I was snarling when I asked but she never did answer me.
Anyway, it’s not in my nature to be nice, to stand by and watch things happen and be loving and kind. I can’t stand by silently and hope that things go away, or stop. It’s not me to wish things away. I fought my way through school, going up against teachers and principals, and deans. I never stop. I can’t. People think that by being kind and loving things will turn out differently. Ask the Tibetan monks about that, the ones who are still alive, I mean. Tyrants don’t care about love and kindness. You can join hands and sing and you can do all kinds of nice things and it won’t change anything. Gandhi took a million years to make changes, I don’t have that long and its time had come anyway. See that’s the thing. I am who I am. I fight back. I’ve never seen love solve a problem in my life. I think that’s just one more lie to stop us from standing up for ourselves.
Women still wouldn’t be able to vote if it were not for the brave and amazing women who FOUGHT to change the system. Everything women have today, other women have dedicated their lives to getting for us. They DID NOT STAY HOME AND WISH for things to change, they went out and did something about it.
I can’t see the bad things happening in front of me and hope it goes away. Hitler didn’t go away, none of the bad guys went away, they were put away by others. This world will never be peaceful. Human beings aren’t peaceful, they wear white hoods and want to kill people and animals and the planet itself. Everyone has to make a choice. Everyone has to do what they think is right but if you don’t speak, or act, up you don’t get a say in how things are done. If you remain silent, you don’t have a voice and you are agreeing with the way things are.
My mom would remain silent. She would want me to be silent as well. I’m not like her. She was probably disappointed in me, her only child. I didn’t care, I couldn’t care, I wasn’t her. I was something else entirely. She liked things quite and calm, no matter the price she paid to have that. I start trouble and stay with it until it’s over. I begged her to be different than she was and she couldn’t change anymore than I can. But I’m grateful to all the courageous women who fought for me so that I could go to college, vote, think for myself. I’m forever in their debt and I’ve tried to pick up their banner and make the world a better place for my daughter and my granddaughter and every female on the planet. I don’t want women bleeding out on a basement floor because a man, who will never be pregnant, says women should die. I don’t want women to be treated with violence, dismissed and hunted. So, I don’t wish those things away, I fight to stop them from happening. That is who I am.
What’s taking place today will never stop because people are nice. If you don’t want to do anything, that’s fine but don’t believe, for a single second, that it’s possible to get everyone to do things your way. Many of us are fighters by nature but don’t bad mouth us when we do things our way. Society has never moved forward because someone hoped it would. Every step takes ACTION. You can’t walk without moving. You can wish to walk, pray to walk, do whatever you want to walk, but unless you get up and move your legs you’ll always be in the same place.