“WHY ARE YOU SITTING SO FAR AWAY?” he yelled.
“Because you disgust me and make me want to throw up”
“I’LL TAKE AWAY YOUR FEDERAL FUNDING FOR SAYING THAT.”
“I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND YOU BETTER DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO, SO APPLAUD AND JUMP AROUND AND WORSHIP ME. SEE IF YOU CAN GET THE PEOPLE OVER THERE TO JOIN IN,” he shouted, pointing to shoppers.
“Like that will EVER happen,” I laughed. “You know you’re incredibly pathetic, don’t you?”
“I OWN YOU.”
“You’re not my president. You don’t own anyone and truthfully, you’re a sad and twisted joke. If you weren’t so evil and filled with hate and ego, I’d be laughing.”
“I’LL DEPORT YOU AND BUILD A WALL SO THAT YOU CAN’T GET BACK IN.”
“Whatever,” I sighed, eating a potato chip.
“WOMEN WANT ME! ALL OF THEM. THEY WANT ME TO TOUCH THEM.”
“What we want is for you to get FAR away from us, preferably in a small padded room with no window. I would definitely let you keep your shoelaces and your belt, so no worries there.”
“Uh, no. It’s not. You’re uneducated that’s why you don’t know what anything means. Take the Constitution, for example.”
“I CAN MAKE ANY LAWS I WANT AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL FOLLOW THEM.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so. I liked the statue of you,” I said, smiling. “I think the artist captured you perfectly.”
“I CUT OFF HIS FEDERAL FUNDING.”
“You yell a lot.”
“I DO NOT!”
“You’re an icky and dangerous man and is that a white, pointed hood I see sticking out of your pocket?”
“WHAT IF IT IS? I CAN WEAR ANYTHING I WANT. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR. I KNOW MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE DOES, ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR.”
“Well, I’m exceptionally bored, so I’m going now. There’s a mirror in the window of the store on the other side of the street. Maybe you’d like to go over there and look at yourself for a few hours.”
“I CAN LOOK AT MYSELF BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I KNOW ALL ABOUT LOOKING AT MYSELF, AND THAT’S NOT AN ALTERNATE FACT, THAT’S THE TRUTH BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING. GO AHEAD ASK ME ANYTHING BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK HERE. I OWN YOU. COME BACK.”