Art and the philosophy of life

Girls are trained to put others before themselves, to always do the right thing (usually for someone else’s benefit), to defer to others (males), to be responsible for others (from the beginning girls have more responsibility for siblings and household chores), to always be caring, loving, kind, gentle and giving.  No one talks about how those things can ruin the lives of women. Women are workers, caretakers, doers, peacemakers, drivers, cooks, cleaning people, good daughters, wives, mothers and workers.  Basically, they are the Swiss Army Knives of life.   People think things are better today but all a lot of women have done, is add a career to their “to-do” list.  And yes, there will be those who will say, “Oh, I know a woman who does this or that…” because there are always a few who escape but I’m talking about women as a whole…about what is expected of women in general.

Unfortunately, boys are not trained the same way.  They get PAID for the work they do. They are not EXPECTED to take care of the kids.  People actually say, “My husband is babysitting tonight.”  How can he be babysitting when they are HIS kids?  When do women babysit for their own kids?   Men can choose to do things but women are expected to do everything.  If the things women did were appreciated, or admired, then men would be doing them.  Oh, wait, when a man DOES do some of those things, he IS admired and gets applause and, “Oh isn’t he a wonderful dad, husband, son, whatever.” See, that’s the thing.  Women are expected to do everything and not expect anything in return.  Women are simply taught to put themselves second, or third, or fourth, or not at all.  They are expected to give up their dreams, desires, needs, wants and dedicate their lives TO OTHERS.  Ya know, that doesn’t really work for a LOT of women.  

Some men HELP.  I love that.  It’s her job, so when a guy does something, he’s helping.  LOLOLOL  Funny, right?  But see, that’s the thing.  People take these insane sexist roles for granted.  They think this is just the way it is, the way it’s always been (gag).  Women shouldn’t just get the leftovers.  They only got women to do this stuff in the beginning because men wouldn’t let women work, inherit goods/property, go to school, etc.  Women were FORCED to get married and do what they were told in order to survive.  Sadly, it’s still that way for some women today.

This doesn’t have anything to do with being nice, kind or generous.  It doesn’t have anything to do with loving your kids, or your house, or husband.  It has to do with being an unpaid, unappreciated, worker who is treated unfairly and unequally and is expected to work for everyone else.  Many women actually take care of their husband’s parents (emotionally, when they are sick, remember birthdays, etc.) cuz, well they’re guys and you know, guys just don’t like to do that stuff.  LOLOLOL  again!

If you don’t teach your daughter a different way of looking at life, she’ll be one of the above. ( If you want her to be like the above well, she’s your kid.)  To make a better world for women, teach your sons a new way of looking at things/females, BY EXAMPLE!  Point out the inequities in daily life.  Make sure both genders understand what’s going on and treat your daughters and sons the same way. This might not help with males because the outside world will teach him the exact opposite of what you are going for, but still, we have to try.

The thing is…life DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.  WOMEN SHOULDN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE INSANE, SELF-SACRIFICING CHOICES (see, now a bunch of women are saying, I wanted to do this, it’s not a sacrifice, I love my kids…but that’s because the guilt and the training run deep and it’s a knee jerk reaction…still they won’t believe that either.)  Women shouldn’t be manipulated, and guilted into doing everything for everyone but themselves.  Women aren’t BAD because they want a life.  Society is BAD for not allowing them to have one that doesn’t play by the rules made up by men.

I hypnotized a room full of well educated women.  When everyone was relaxed and in the zone,  I said, “Think of something just for yourself.  Something you want, something that is solely for you.  A wish, a gift for yourself.”  Women started crying.  Literally, breaking down because no one ever asked them to think about themselves before.  Business women, lawyers, crying, shocked, because that was a foreign concept to them.   How pathetic is that?  Women came up to me afterwards and we talked about what that felt like.  How they never realized that they never thought about anything for themselves.   Women need to think more about themselves because a FULFILLED WOMAN HAS ALL THE BEST QUALITIES AND SHE CAN PASS THOSE WONDERFUL QUALITIES ON IN ANY NUMBER OF FABULOUS WAYS.

However women choose to live is up to them but the thing is that too often they don’t realize that the choices have all been made for them by the men in our culture.  Thinking you’ve made a choice isn’t the same as actually having made one.

Hey, I’m just sayin’.

Comments on: "Okay, so…women the Swiss Army Knives of life" (22)

  1. I agree with a major part of what you’ve said. I was fortunate to grow up in a very open minded family where my father did the sweeping/mopping/cleaning and washed the clothes while my mother took care of the kitchen and helped me with studying. They had their duties in the family chalked out equally and keeping in mind who’s better at what. And today, I know that when I have a family of my own, I will use the same logic and not go by societal ‘norms’!
    Your post helped me reflect back on how I’ve been taught by example! Thank you 🙂

    • Thank you. Most children don’t grow up in families where equality exists. It makes a huge difference in the rest of their lives. Im happy you had such a great childhood and were able to learn that anyone, no mater their gender, can was dishes, sweep and care for children, etc. It’s not woman’s work, it’s life.

  2. Good one! I think changes are happening but it will take time. A long time until it’s finally at a point where it feels natural too. All that you have described is so deeply instilled, imprinted in all of us that I believe it will take another generation or two until there will be a change, a change that will feel normal. I think it is happening. But I see it in my case too. Growing up it was always me who had to help with the chores. Not my brother. ie max he had to do was taking his plate to the kitchen and put it there. I had to set the table take not only my plate to the kitchen but my Dad’s as well and whatever was left on the table. Then of course I had to help putting everything away. Now to break out of something you grew up with is difficult especially because it was just normal. Like putting on your cloths, you know. Now I do my bit and make both my kids, son and daughter to the same chores. Clean, help me with laundry and so on. Both of them. Not just the girl. I see a difference in my husband compared to my ex-boyfriends. He grew up as single child to a single mother. He does dishes, laundry, irons, cleans and so on. Stuff my exes would have not done although there was no reason why not. For him it’s normal. Because it was made normal by his Mom. They were a team and so he sees us as a team everything that has to be done is teamwork.

    Like with so many things it’s about the seeds we plant…

    • I appreciate your comment so much. Thank you. The things you describe are pretty common. Boys rarely have to do the work girls do. I’m happy you are in a relationship where there is equality and that your kids will not even have to think about it, because they were taught by example. That’s wonderful. I agree that it’s going to take time. It’s going to take women stopping/changing the things they do. Thank you again.

  3. I grew up in a family where males wishes were respected. I never had a right to wish , dream , think for myself, have a right to be angry at the injustice or to go out when i desired to. You Know what that did to me,.. made me hate my family.I needed to sacrifice my needs and wants for the entitled jackass of my Brother and accept all the abuse he has put on me. I have no contact with him anymore, nor any communication. He lives off my parents cos he won’t get a job, you know being addicted to Internet and he will never change. I don’t love anyone from my family cos they stole my youth in trapping me to their norms and prisons. You’d think all of them being atheists would be open minded but no. I’d never teach my daughter to sacrifice her everything for others who will never say thank you.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. Unfortunately, this is a very common story. It’s definitely a form of child abuse done to girls. I’m happy you weren’t trapped into staying in touch with them. So many women are unable to break away. There are so many things that ruin the lives of females. I met a young woman who told me she was never having children because she raised her brothers and sisters and she was finished with kids. Her parents kept having kids and giving them to her to raise. She didn’t have the life of a girl, she had the life of a mother and caretaker. That’s just cruel. No one thinks anything of the abusive treatment of girls who do the work of women, while they are growing up, while their brothers do nothing. They don’t understand, or care, that that just perpetuates sexism. No one cares what happens to females so we have to care about ourselves and take a stand and fight back. Thank you again.

  4. So true. It is hard for me to ask for something for my self. But I am learning and slowly getting there. It definitely much easier when I have no husband or partner. Time now to focus on myself

  5. This is a struggle of mine. My mother raised me independent. My mother raised me to put myself first. But children happen and your heart melts, and you have that natural mentality to nurture, and so I do. Though when my husband “helps” I refuse to thank him, because it’s should be done anyway, but ofcourse he doesn’t see it that way. My husband loves to remind me of all the nice things he gifts me with and how appreciative I should be, I tell him, “Ill be appreciative when you help with the dishes more than twice a year. Then in bed he wonders why I’m never in the mood? 😉 He claims he read an article that men who do dishes are less attractive to women, it doesn’t matter what my personal opinions may be on the matter. 😉

    Gah reading that question, “What do you want,” almost made me tear up before I even read the rest of the womens’ reactions. Rant done. Thank you I needed that post. Have a great weekend!

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I truly appreciate it. I understand how difficult things can be between the way things should be, the way we want them to be and the way they are. You’re an independent woman but with children, you have to be there for them because “it’s our job,” given to us by society and culture. We love them and take care of them but men are also their parent and too often they don’t think child care is part of their job description. Difficult thing because women DIDN’T choose to be housekeepers, care takers, cleaning women, and responsible for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Another problem you mentioned…a lot of men do not listen to what their wives say to them. Men aren’t used to LISTENING to women. They have the power in the world and women are the underlings, others, second class citizens. The dependency issue arises as well. Men work, women don’t, no matter what they do, unless they aren’t getting paid. See that’s the thing…women, in most cultures/countries are the unpaid labor force that keep things running. Your husband wants thanks and reminds you of what he does but does he thank you for the millions of things you do for your family every single day. Do you remind him of those things? Expect a pat on the back? “Women’s work is invisible, it’s just something women do. And your husband is so wrong about men and dishes. So very, very, wrong.

      That simple question, “What do you want for yourself,” is more powerful than can be imagined, because women rarely ask themselves what they want and no one else asks them either. I think a lot of women don’t think about it because they know they’ll never get what they want out of life. I’m happy you got something out of the post and thanks again.

  6. ‘”Swiss knives” perfect.

  7. TheThingsILearnt said:

    A beautiful Post !
    You’ve made a very important point. This is something we have to teach the kids from the start and “By example” . Otherwise if they see the gender inequality at home ,it is very difficult to change their perceptions.And as women, we need to remove this guilt thing and be our priorities.

    The good part is things are changing surely , but the pace is slow.

    • Absolutely true. We need to set examples. Withe not my president in charge, for the moment, things are going backward at an alarming rate.

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