Picture from: Pinterest
I’m watching her walk to school, her head is down and she’s staring at the sidewalk. Several of the other children are waving at her and a few are say hello, but she doesn’t see or hear them. The spark, that once burned so brightly, is buried deep inside her now. She’s like all the other drones going through their day, doing the same thing over and over, trying to be satisfied with a few hours of something different, now and then. But even those moments often turn out to be just one more ritual.
She was so alive, now she’s drab and gray. She was supposed to forget her past life, by the age of one, like everyone else. But she didn’t. I know I did the right thing, erasing the beauty from her mind, but I can barely stand to see her simply existing, like all the others. Humans could change their lives, if they would just tear through the veil that covers them. They have been so deeply brainwashed to believe that this is all life can be, when it is not. If only they would see that their beliefs keep them in place, keep them slaves to a system that uses them for it’s own ends.
She doesn’t go out much anymore. I see her laying on her bed, a book turned upside down across her lap. Her future looks bleak. I though that when I erased her memory, took away the beauty she remembered, she would acclimate, be happy, as happy as one can be on earth, but it’s not happening. She has closed herself off. She has shut down.
People on earth are all looking for something and I know what it is. They are looking for a way to remember how wonderful things were when they were somewhere else. They suffer and feel an aching longing for what they once had but have forgotten. I can look at them and not care, but I care about Darkness. I saw her true self and it was so amazing. I’m not sure what to do. I could give back her memories, or I could take her with me and save her from this dreary and violent place. In my entire existence I have never had to think about anything like this. I want Darkness to be happy but no one can be happy here. What these drones think of as happiness is pathetic, a joke, but they need to believe in something, or they will go mad, so they think what they have is joy, but they do not. Happiness and joy on earth doesn’t come from their spark, it comes from pretending because they are controlled by belief systems that cover them with lies and hides what they truly are.
I’m so obsessed with the child and her state of being that I’m behind in my work. I’m letting people stay here longer than they should. They are suffering and I need to pay attention to their needs.
I’m going to talk to her, so I slip through the glass in her window. She looks up at me with flat eyes.
“Hi,” I say.
“Who are you?”
“I’m a friend of yours and I would like to talk to you, if that’s okay.”
She shrugs. “If you want to. I don’t care.”
“Nothing,” she tells me, but her eyes are filling with tears.
“It doesn’t look like nothing,” I say.
“I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe I’m just tired, or sick.”
“What do you like about being alive?”
“What about the sun and the trees? Your bike or playing outside?”
She doesn’t answer, just looks at me and bites her bottom lip. Finally she whispers, “This is a bad place.”
“What’s bad about it?”
“It’s heavy. Dark and people are…people are blind. They can’t see what’s happening to them.”
“What is happening to them?”
She looks toward the door and then back at me. “Everyday they give up more of themselves. Everyday they try harder to pretend that everything is okay, but it’s not okay and they don’t know how to…wake up. They don’t know how to stop…dying, while they are still alive. I don’t want to be like them. Not ever and I’m afraid I…I…I will be,” she hiccups.
Tears are running down her face and hitting her, Save the Polar Bears T-shirt. I feel as if all the oxygen has disappeared from the air.
“I’m sad in my heart,” she mutters. “Here,” she says, putting her hand over her heart.
I reach forward and run my hand over her forehead, giving her memories back to her. “There,” I say, staring at her.
“It’s you,” she laughs. “I can see the beauty again. I can remember what happiness is. I know what it’s like to LIVE all the way. I can see it, I can feel it, I can remember it.”
“You can’t have any of that here.”
“I couldn’t leave you as you were.”
“Will you better now?” I ask, hopefully.
“I don’t know,” she mutters, honestly. “I would still like to go with you.”
“Why don’t we give it some time and then we can talk again.”
She shrugs once more. “Do I have a choice?”
I don’t know what to say to her. “I seems like the right thing to do.”
“I don’t know,” I tell her, because it’s the truth. “I’ll check in with you every week and if, at the end of six months, you still want to come with me….”
“Deal,” she says, holding out her hand. “Shake on it.”
We shake, the best we can, and she leans into me, her slender arm reaching around my neck. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. But you have to try during that time,” I tell her, as she sits back against her pillow.
“To find something good about this place.”
“Yes, seriously. You can’t just wait for six months to be over, you have to look at your mom and dad and think about why you love them.”
“But they’re just actors. I mean they’re my mom and dad but just for right now and while this feels real, it’s just a play and everyone is playing the part they signed up for, right.”
“But you’re not supposed to know that.”
“But I do know that. My mom was my sister in another life and my dad was my boss. We just change places so we can try different things.”
“You know what?”
“Your parents don’t KNOW that. They are asleep.”
“I’ve tried to tell them but they wanted to take me to a doctor, so I don’t talk about that stuff anymore, and it’s not my fault they won’t wake up.”
“You have to try.”
“That wasn’t part of the original deal.”
I sigh. “Promise me that you will try.”
“I’ll be back,” I tell her, standing up.
She starts laughing. “That’s from a movie but you have to say it like this, I’LL BE BACK.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so,” she giggles.
I slip through the glass and turn to see her waving at me. I have six months to talk her into being human. What have I gotten myself into?