Our parents

no
one
ever
truly
know
their
parents

 

 

their
lives
started
long
before
we
were
born

 

by
the
time
we
were
adults
and
our
brains
were
developed
enough
to
understand
life
we
had
changed
them
turned
them
into
who
they
were

 

 

but
we
can
never
know
what
they
were
like
when
they
were
young
free
and
madly
in
love

 

what
they
were
like
without
us

 

not
ever

 

that’s
just
for
them

 

we
can’t
understand
why
they
were
the
way
they
were

 

 

we
don’t
know
how
life
was
when
they
lived
it
all
those
years
ago

 

 

I
hope
my
mom

 
wherever
she
is

 
can
read
this

 

because
it’s
an
apology

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10 Responses to Our parents

  1. So beautiful, Gigi ! 🙂

  2. and I am sure she would love it…

  3. Lovely, Gigi. I wrote an apology piece to my mom a few years back. It had been ten years since she died. I was ashamed I wasn’t strong and truly present for her at the end. I don’t look back on her passing or on the writing often, but when I do, I cry tears like a mother would…and wonder if she is crying with me. Then I wipe my face and think about how mothers almost always forgive their children. Love is just that way. 🙂

  4. I’m sure she understands. She wouldn’t want you to feel bad, because she loved you and you never want those you love to feel bad. That’s the way mothers are. What ever you did, or think you did, the reasons you had were good enough, or scary enough, to get you to do what you did at the time. That’s all we can ever do. She’s way more upset that you are carrying guilt and unhappiness around than anything you did while she was alive. Again, moms are like that. You being happy will bring her happiness, that’s the best gift you can give her.

    I just never listened to my mother, well, most of the time, and I did whatever I wanted to do. She knew I would always do that but I think she wanted a different relationship and I was wild and always gone. I never tried to understand her point of view. But, I was young and had no idea that she even had a point of view…LOL I started telling her to leave my father when I was in grade school and never tried to understand why she wouldn’t. When she was dying, she told me she loved him and I said, “Why?” I never got it. I should have tried harder but that’s where I was at the time (I had 2 kids), and I know I always did the best I could in life, so that’s the best I could have done at that moment. She knew I loved her and I knew she loved me and that’s the most anyone can ask for in life, at lest that’s what I think.

  5. Heartafire says:

    This is beautiful and so true. I think our parents sometimes make an effort to show us their best side if they can, what lies beneath is often a mystery, as you said, known only to themselves.

    • I think that many of us never really think of our parents as ever having been young. I have lots of pictures of my parents having fun and hanging out but I can’t imagine them being those people. Being a parent, an adult, changes your life forever. You can never stop thinking about your kids and their needs. Not ever, no matter how old they are. You go from freedom to parenting and everything changes. We have a whole new life and we have no idea how much that’s going to change us. Working, kids, responsibility all makes us different people. Sure we can’t stay kids forever…LOL but I think we sometimes forget to stay silly and have fun. As I’ve said, I was lucky, because my husband and I grew up together and we were always a little crazy. He was way more responsible than I was. He was the great earth father. LOL Seriously, he adored the kids, even when they were terrible:) He was always sweet and loving. I’m pretty much a bitch. 🙂 LOLOL It’s true, you can ask anyone:)

      • Heartafire says:

        I never got to know my mother, she died when I was very young, but in looking back I would say she was detached, my father traveled, sometimes I went with him, I was raised for the most part by my paternal grandparents whom I adored. They were the salt of the earth and self sacrificing to take me under their wing when they had already raised six children. When I think of them now, I miss them so much, my grandmother was very strict but loving. I learned about them through stories my grandma would tell me in the kitchen. Her parents migrated to America from Wales and married when her mom was 15 her Dad 16, imagine that. The story is fascinating. Sadly, I can be a real bitch, I try not to be , but it is my personality to strike back, my boy does not know I can be a real bitch, proving our point here…I adore my child, he is in college now, he adores me, I am a great Mom, his father is a great Dad, lucky boy, lucky us. Thank you for this most interesting post Gigi. Hugs and have a beautiful day…don’t get bitchy! *-)

  6. Fabulous story. Grandma’s can be amazing. You were so fortunate to have such great grandparents. I’m so happy you were raised with all that love. 🙂 My maternal grandmother was like magic to me. I still miss her, after all these years. She was the wild child and fun lover I take after. I could never spend enough time with her. I was so fortunate. I was a good mom but I did drag my kids, especially Debbie, to demonstrations and all kinds of political things. I wanted them both. to be aware and to be part of the process that brought about change. Now, from what my daughter said, she wouldn’t have done that on her own. She said she might not be a vegetarian either, if I hadn’t been relentless about what was happening on factory farms and to animals everywhere. I dragged her all over the place. She was in Springfield for the ERA, Washington, DC for a couple Marches and the International Woman’s Conference. I didn’t think about whether or not she wanted to be there I just said we had to do it if we wanted to make the world a better place. She got on the plane. My bitchiness is projected toward the unfairness and cruelty of the world. It drives me crazy that people put up with it. That we aren’t in the streets fighting for justice. But, she is that person and does stand up for those things:) It’s too late to be what she may have been if I left her home. But that’s true for every single thing that happens to any of us. We are extremely close. But I am a lot more aggressive and ready to fight than she is and I try to leave her alone but it’s hard . For so many years we were always out, defending clinics, demonstrating, at meetings, leafleting, at conferences, etc., I even got her arrested. She still gets misty eyed, however, when she starts to sing the song she learned a long time ago, MY MOM’S A FEMINIST. She’s so cute. LOLOL I told her that she picked me out and was my child for a reason, so this is the way it was supposed to play out. Her father truly adored her. When Keith died it made her an only child. All of our lives changed that day.

    I would do anything for her but I do drive her crazy. She doesn’t think everyone is out to get us and I pretty much crossed that line a long time ago. LOLOL It’s been great. We have met incredible people from all over the world and we have done the best we could to make a difference. If she didn’t want to do that, she should have been born to a nice mom who was sweet and never painted a picket sign or stood screaming in the street with a bunch of other people. I would do it again. It’s just who I am. I fought with my teachers in hight school, in college and never stop pointing out how insane the things they were saying were.

    When Jesse (granddaughter) was little her teacher caught spiders and put them in a tank so the children could watch them do spider things. She came home crying because the spiders were killing each other. Spiders, obviously unknown to her brilliant teacher, are territorial and they were fighting to the death inside the tank. So, I got my grandkids together and we made SAVE THE SPIDERS buttons, picket signs, made petitions and drew pictures. We called the school and tried to save the spiders. That was the last time. They are only my grandchildren and my daughter didn’t want them to fight all the time so…they know very little and do absolutely nothing. I mean NOTHING AT ALL. She doesn’t see that’s the same thing I did only in reverse. One day her daughter may say, “Why didn’t you make me go to meetings and conference? Why wasn’t I out picketing furriers and Northwestern’s animal lab? Because as a parent, you can never win, you can only be who you are and know that eventually, whatever you did, it will have been the wrong thing. LOLOL

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