Picture from: Pinterest
I was a truly wild child but the Minister’s kids and the Catholic girls, in their uniforms, were so over the top it wasn’t funny. Their parents never knew a thing. LOL They were so much fun to hang around with. LOLOLOL OMG the stories I could tell. Even my Catholic cousin, who refused to let her kid wear make up, believed that she wouldn’t disobey. Her kid put it on when she left the house and took it off before she came home. I still don’t think my cousin knows that her daughter did that. Parents make their kids lie when they won’t let them tell them the truth and be okay with it.
You can NEVER punish kids when they tell you the truth. NEVER. If you punish them they will never trust you again. You have to listen, understand, give your opinion, or advice in an understanding way and let them decided what to do. If they are in trouble you ALWAYS stick up for them. ALWAYS. No matter what. ALWAYS stick up for your kids. Every single time. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I told my kids never to lie to me. I told them they would never be punished for anything they did or said. Sometimes, I was sorry about that. LOLOLOL Way too much information, way too much. But they always felt they could tell me anything and that never changed, even as adults. They never had to hide anything from me because I always supported whatever they were into, even if it scared me. I always stuck up for them, to their teachers, the police and anyone else who needed standing up to. I NEVER sided with the authority figures. All I had to do was remember what I did at their age. 🙂 I lived in the city and believe me, what they were doing was tame in comparison. My parents never knew a single thing about what was I was doing.
I was always amazed when parents told me about their kids…kids I knew. It’s as if they lived in Disneyland and their kids were part of their fantasy. Kids used to come to our house and tell me things because they couldn’t tell their own parents. I actually went to school to get them out of trouble, trouble their parents never even knew about. That wouldn’t work today, of course. Not with the police state we live in. Kids were always at our house, always telling me things and asking questions…all the things they couldn’t do in their own houses.
The thing is…parents drive their kids away with their unrealistic expectations. Kids are afraid of disappointing their parents, or they are afraid of getting punished. So they lie, don’t say anything, sneak around and do what they have to do to fit in and have the life they want to have. It’s not their fault…it’s their parent’s fault for not setting up a safe place where their kids can come for help without guilt or punishment. Strict parents are usually surprised when their kids get into trouble. That’s so amazing to me.
Rules (not talking about what time they have to be home) and punishment are a wall between parents and their children. Parents can tell their children what they would like and what they expect but they have to be open to what is actually going on in the lives of their children and accept, without judgement or punishment, the things they say and the things they do. By doing that you are not saying that the things your kids do are okay, you’re saying that you love them and that they can come to you anytime with anything. That way you have an open line of communication and can help them when they need it. They won’t have to lie or go somewhere else for help and cut you out of their lives.
People believe what they want to believe. A lot of parents have no idea what their kids are really doing. They don’t want to know, that’s why they set up the rules in the first place. They believe they are giving their children standards to live by but what they are actually doing is shutting the door in their faces. Because life is what it is and kids are what they are and each generation is not like the last one and kids will do whatever it takes to fit in. Parents should know, or remember, that and let their kids tell them the truth instead of pretending that everything is just fine. Hey, I’m just sayin’.